Big Pot of Beans Day: an Important Holiday for the Masses
Big Pot of Beans Day is a high holiday. It can be celebrated anytime, though is most commonly observed towards the end of the month, when my checking account gets too low. Did you also blow through all your spending money too fast? That’s fine! You are aware of your financial state, that’s a good thing. You are making a smart decision by preparing a big, cheap pot of food to keep you alive for the next few days, which is also a good thing.
Let’s celebrate together!
What you will need
1lb bag of dry beans
Water
Salt
A big pot with lid
Spices, optional
Onion, optional
Garlic, optional
A note on beans
Any beans will do. Canned beans are fine too, but dry are cheaper. Make sure to pick through your dry beans carefully for rocks or other non-bean objects. Black beans are especially good for BPOBD because they do not need to soak. For other beans, soak them at least 8 hours or overnight. In a big bowl or pot, cover the beans by at least 2 inches of water (salted, if you feel like it). Check on them at some point and add more water if the level gets low.
Red kidney beans are great beans but contain a high level of the toxin phytohemagglutinin, which sounds very made up. Soak them well and boil them for at least 30 minutes to eliminate the toxin. No slow cooker here. BPOBD is a celebration of a life well-lived that happened to stray beyond our financial means. BPOBD is not a ritual suicide by bean poisoning. Canned red kidney beans are already cooked and are safe as-is.
Cooking your Big Pot of Beans
Put the beans in the big pot. Add water until maybe an inch or two of water covers the beans. Add a bit of salt. Put the lid on the big pot and bring them to a boil over medium-high heat. Keep them there for a while, then lower the heat to a simmer. Take the lid off. Simmer for like… two hours? Add water when it gets low. The beans are done when they are falling apart, so cook until that is happening. It will take a lot less time for canned beans, as they are already cooked. Add more salt to taste.
Seasoning your Big Pot of Beans
Those beans, plain, will be good. If you have spices and other stuff on hand, those beans will be better.
Onion: chop into small pieces and add at the beginning of cooking.
Garlic: smash a few cloves. Add at the beginning.
Other things you can add to your beans: cumin, red pepper flake, chipotle pepper in adobo sauce (holy stuff, that), hot sauce, bay leaf, thyme, oregano, cayenne, 21 Seasoning Salute, black pepper, olive oil, neutral oil, chicken broth or vegetable broth in place of the water, bouillion, soy sauce, jalapeño peppers or other hot peppers, ham hock, salsa, celery, bell pepper, nutritional yeast, worcestershire sauce, curry powder, tomato, an orange (weird, but whatever), and all sorts of other delicious stuff.
The most important thing is to taste as you go. Don’t oversalt too early because that cooking liquid will reduce.
Adding too much acidic stuff at the beginning will make the beans tougher and harder to cook, so watch out for that.
I tend to fall back on the following: onion, garlic, cumin, red pepper flake, hot sauce, and a dash of soy sauce.
Authentic New Orleans red beans? Here: ham hocks, onion, celery, red bell pepper, garlic, bay leaf, thyme, oregano, allspice, worcestershire, salt and pepper, Crystal hot sauce.
Serving your Big Pot of Beans
Make a smaller pot of rice. A rice cooker is great here. Put rice and beans together in a bowl. Throw veggies on the side if you have them. Top with salsa or hot sauce or whatever you’ve got.
Ideally, serve with a large can of the cheapest beer from the corner store.
Try putting the beans on toast in the morning. Put them in tortillas. Eat them with chips. Spread a thin layer into a sandwich, like a torta. Add them into soup.
Beans keep well in the fridge. They freeze just fine. Beans are an easy group food, so invite your friends over to revel in your wise and delicious frugality.
A note on farting
Your Big Pot of Beans will probably make you fart. Deal with it.
