True Happiness Is Helping Others

Mel Feller
Sep 8, 2018 · 3 min read

There is a Chinese saying that says, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” For centuries, the greatest thinkers have suggested the same thing: Happiness is establish in helping others.

Therefore, we learn early: It is better to give than to receive. The venerable aphorism is beaten into our heads from our first slice of a shared birthday cake. However, is there a deeper truth behind the truism?

The resounding answer is yes. Scientific research provides compelling data to support the anecdotal evidence that giving is a powerful pathway to personal growth and lasting happiness. Through fMRI technology, we now know that giving activates the same parts of the brain that are stimulated by food and sex. Experiments show evidence that altruism is hardwired in the brain and it is pleasurable. Helping others may just be the secret to living a life that is not only happier but also healthier, wealthier, more productive, and meaningful.

However, it is important to remember that giving does not always feel great. The opposite could very well be true: Giving can make us feel depleted and taken advantage of at times. However, here are some tips to that will help you give not until it hurts, but until it feels great:

Find your passion

Our passion should be the foundation for our giving. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving. It is only natural that we will care about this and not so much about that, and that’s OK. It should not be simply a matter of choosing the right thing, but also a matter of choosing what is right for us.

Give your time

The gift of time is often more valuable to the receiver and more satisfying for the giver than the gift of money. We don’t all have the same amount of money, but we all do have time on our hands, and can give some of this time to help others whether that means we devote our lifetimes to service, or just give a few hours each day or a few days a year.

Give to organizations with transparent aims and results

According to Harvard scientist Michael Norton, “Giving to a cause that specifies what they’re going to do with your money leads to more happiness than giving to an umbrella cause where you’re not so sure where your money is going.”

Find ways to integrate your interests and skills with the needs of others

“Selfless giving, in the absence of self-preservation instincts, easily becomes overwhelming,” says Adam Grant, author of Give & Take. It is important to be “otherish,” which he defines as being willing to give more than you receive, but still keeping your own interests in sight.

Be proactive, not reactive

We have all felt the dread that comes from having been coaxed into giving, such as when friends ask us to donate to their fundraisers. In these cases, we are more likely to give to avoid humiliation rather than out of generosity and concern. This type of giving does not lead to a warm glow feeling; more likely, it will lead to resentment. Instead, we should set aside time, think about our options, and find the best charity for our values.

Do not be guilt-tripped into giving — do it because you want to

I do not want to discourage people from giving to good causes just because that does not always cheer us up. If we gave only to get something, back each time we gave what a dreadful, opportunistic world this would be! Yet if we are feeling guilt-tripped into giving, chances are we will not be very committed over time to the cause.

The key is to find the approach that fits us. When we do, then the more we give, the more we stand to gain purpose, meaning and happiness and all of the things that we look for in life but are so hard to find.

Mel Feller

Written by

I love business, property and coaching. Helping people realize their potential, overcome their obstacles, and attain their goals is what motivates me.