My Psychedelic-Enhanced Mental Health Journey

(Introduction and Table of Contents)

I never thought I needed “fixing.” When I started this journey, I was a 64 year old outwardly successful, happily married suburban lawyer who never gave a second thought to my mental health. I would never have believed that a couple of years later I would have remade myself into a very different, much happier person with the help of a good therapist and two incredibly successful “trips” on different psychedelic drugs.

I realize that my experience with the psychedelic drugs will be what interests my readers most, so I have devoted the greatest detail to those two “trips” and their preparation and aftermath. I have tried to write this memoir so that a reader who is only interested in the psychedelics can read the chapters by clicking on the links below in any preferred order and still understand what is happening. But the best way to understand the enormity of my psychedelic experience is to read my story, including the “therapeutic interludes,” in the order presented.

I hope that you find my story to be entertaining and educational. I would be honored if it inspires readers to seek self-improvement, via psychedelic drugs or otherwise. If it worked for me — perhaps the most unlikely candidate ever for a self-help psychedelic trip — at my late stage of life, then it is possible that anyone could benefit from a similar journey.

Name and content of individual articles with hyperlinks to each:

1. “Shame on Me” — Starting couples counseling

2. “Dead End or Cul-de-Sac” — Dissatisfaction with counseling; changing therapists

3. “Searching for Trauma” — Initial therapy with David; an elusive origin to the shame

4. “The Ketamine Solution” — Using ketamine to figure out my trauma; lifting the burden of shame

5. “My Emotional Shield” — The ketamine-enhanced memory of my emotional shield

6. “Spinning Wheels and Backtracking” — Shame re-intruding, and no progress toward lowering my emotional shield

7. “Is Psilocybin the Solution?” — Researching and finding a trip-sitter; persuading David; preparing for the trip

8. “My Trip on Magic Mushrooms — Are We There Yet?” — Beginning the trip and the initial effects

9. “My Trip on Magic Mushrooms — For Shame” — Details of the experience and hallucinations pertaining to shame

10. “My Trip on Magic Mushrooms — Shattered Shield” — Hallucinations pertaining to my emotional shield

11. “What A Long Strange Trip It’s Been” — The next day’s integration experience and subsequent changes

12. “Arrival” — My new emotions; personality changes; gratitude and final thoughts