How To Stop Kids From Arguing (sometimes)

“Dad!”

Ugh. What are my two young daughters arguing about now?

I turned to my wife Kimberly and repeated our long-running joke, “Why didn’t we just get a couple of turtles instead of having these kids?”

We both smile as she says “I don’t know.”

Our girls are as wonderful, fun and fulfilling, and all the other good and bad stuff as any kids anywhere. They usually get along beautifully, but sometimes they fight.

It’s usually over something extremely important, like what to name the imaginary unicorn in their made-up game, or whether or not one is allowed to read a book the other took out from the library.

The bickering would go on endlessly, if we let it.

Instead, if after a minute or so the argument is going nowhere, or they come to us to settle the dispute, we’ve found an approach that works well for us and might be worth a try:

“Sophie, you have sixty seconds to tell your side of the story. Tell us what the problem is and what you think should be done about it. Audrey, just listen to what Sophie says. Don’t make faces or interrupt. You’ll have the same chance to tell your side, but right now it’s her turn. Go ahead Sophie. Sixty seconds.”

And after one tells her side, then the other the other tells hers.

After a question or two, I’ll usually make some kind of decision.

They might not agree with the resolution, but there’s rarely any complaint that they’ve been treated unfairly. Both have had an equal opportunity to tell their side of the story and been forced to respectfully listen to the other’s point of view.

I certainly don’t care about the imaginary unicorn’s name, but I do care that they know their point of view has been heard and that understanding the other person is an important part of resolving conflict.