How to meditate when you don’t like to sit still… or meditate

I have been told for years to meditate. It’s the “spiritual thing to do” right? It helps with anxiety, lowers stress, creates space for new ideas and deepens your awareness and connection to your inner world. And while that sounds all well and good… there’s a few things I don’t love about meditation.

Namely: You have to sit still.

In silence.

Quietly. For a while.

And clear your mind.

Yeah that about covers it.

1. I don’t like sitting still (I’m a dancer, and would much rather move my body to work through things than sit with them).
2. I don’t love long periods of silence (I’m an out-loud processor and like talking through things or writing about them to find my answers). And short spurts of silence feel good, but long ones feel like torture.
3. I don’t actually want to clear my mind. There’s no qualifier, other than that I’ve learned to love my thoughts and want to hear what they have to say. I’ve learned they’re wanting my attention for a reason, so clearing them away can sometimes feel disrespectful.

With all of that being said, I don’t know if you’ve heard the term “opposite medicine?” I find it really intriguing to go in the opposite direction of what we know and love, because there’s often a space for insight there. So while I like to move through things, sometimes sitting still is exactly what I need to do to find a sense of calm, grounding and safety.

So this is the story of how I learned to enjoy meditating… my way.

Clearly the post-meditation bliss is uncontainable.

I went to this workshop called “Evolving Out Loud” a couple years ago, with Kyle Cease. And towards the end of the weekend, we each took on a 90 day challenge. I committed to meditating for 30 minutes every day for 90 days. And if I broke that commitment, I had to do something very unfun.

In order to get through this commitment, I set myself up for success. I gave myself permission to let my body do what it needed to do, created a reward at the end (which I’ll explain in a minute) and knew I was more committed to completing the challenge than doing it perfectly.

I’m a big reward person… my dog and I are very similar in that way. She can be super stubborn and literally will just look at me if I ask her do something without a treat… “Why would I be bothered to do that?” Her adorable noncompliant face says.

So I gave myself a treat at the end of every meditation… and I called them “Love notes from the Universe.” I bought a little flip pad and after the timer went off, would write down a message from the meditation, and sign it “Day 14, Love Meg and the Universe.” As though The Universe and I are working together… which we are.

I had a couple of astounding realizations. One was on day 67, when I heard a small internal voice say, “I’m becoming my own best friend.” It shocked me. It used to feel unsafe inside. And now I was becoming what I needed most.

The other big thing I learned is… in order to do something uncomfortable, we have to bring in comfort. Especially for people who are recovering from something. When you’ve been through trauma, grief, loss, shame, or even just a hard day… in order to pick yourself up and throw yourself into a new challenge, you have to feel safe enough to step outside your comfort zone.

So in order to meditate and sit with myself, I had to be willing to let myself move. In order to get quiet, I had to let myself be loud. And to find my way, I had to let go of how I was “supposed to do it” and be with where I really was.

For me: I have to couch my discomfort in comfort.

“Couch it in comfort”

Is my catchphrase for trying something new.

So in order to be uncomfortable and meditate: I gave myself permission to think and feel and move my body whenever I needed to. And gave myself a treat at the end… that was my way. I meditated at 1:00 am, first thing in the morning, at parks, in my car, as long as it was before bed, it counted. After the 90 days, I gave myself flexibility, I got a puppy (who is not good at meditating) and now this is how I meditate:

I set a timer on my phone for 10 minutes. Or however long you want.

I turn the phone on silent. Completely silent. Not vibrate. This is your time.

I sit against something (soon improper, I know). Propping my back up against a wall with a pillow, or sitting on the couch. God forbid we find peace on our couches! In the comfort of our own homes… the slander!

Then I close my eyes and listen.

I just listen. I allow what’s present to come up — none of that send your thoughts away like clouds. I welcome my thoughts. I don’t follow my breath or make myself clear away what’s coming up… because the thoughts wouldn’t be coming up if they didn’t need to be listened to. *When our thoughts and feelings don’t get any airtime they wait, sometimes impatiently to be heard. And when they’re not heard they make themselves heard, like a toddler. Having an outburst in public, or with your boss, or a friend who didn’t deserve the backlash. So YOU my dears can fix that… just listen. Listen to the part of you that needs your attention… it’s trying for a reason.

The next thing I do is let myself move.

I DO breathe into my body. I do check in and feel where there’s tightness and allow it to be that way. Again, no fixing. No melt the pain away… just be with it. See what it has to say to you, point blank:

In this moment…

What does your body have to say?

How do your thoughts feel?

What is it like to listen?

What happens when you make space for yourself without an agenda?

Now go try it.

I mean it. Set your timer for 10 minutes and sit. On the floor. On a bus. In your office. Before you go to bed at night. Take away the “should” parameters and let yourself breathe in exactly where you are. No meditation cushion required my love.

Let me know how it went in the comments!

And if this resonates with you… please clap, recommend and share with someone you love. ❤