Shifting your mentality when you are suffering an expectation hangover.

Love your life, not theirs.
Let’s see if you resonate with this situation.
You grew up in a decent family, attended pretty good public (or private) primary schools, graduated from high school with honors or high honors, and went on to a reputable university with a scholarship to boot. You worked your way through the degree you were sort of pressured into choosing within the first semester, with useful checkpoints along the way to reassure you of your progress or help you understand where you needed mentoring or tutoring. You had goals and were taught to believe that after graduation you could do anything you wanted. Yet, after walking across that stage, after a moment of relief and euphoria, you buckled up into your car and realized: nothing feels too different.
Expectation. Hangover.
First, I am sort of glad you are feeling this way (if you are) because this means you have goals and dreams. This means you have expectations for yourself that you hold yourself to a high standard. I am not going to write up a post about “entitlement in the millennial generation” because that is not at all where I am going with this. Nor do I fully agree with that idea or think it is our fault for possibly feeling that way sometimes.
Instead of letting this defeat control you, use your unmet expectations to fuel your progress.
Despite how hard college courses can be, with late night studying and tutoring sessions taking up most of your free time, college is pretty easy. You have an academic adviser and multiple other mentors to go to for guidance along the way. Your hand is being held the whole time, even if you didn’t take much advantage of those resources. Because of this structure, when we leave university and head out on our own, inevitably our expectations are not met right away and we feel a sense of defeat.
Your classes and exams and grades gave you meaning and worth. Now, without that, you feel like you aren’t proving anything to anyone, including yourself.
It’s okay to wallow in a depressed state for a little while, because we’re human and we’re allowed to feel what we feel. But when we let this sense of defeat or failed expectations keep us from pushing forward, it can make things seem 100% worse. Instead of letting this defeat control you, use your unmet expectations to fuel your progress.
Here are three things you could do to get started:
Do not let your job title (or lack of one) define who you are.
After being in school for 18+ years, you probably identified yourself mainly as a student. Your classes and exams and grades gave you meaning and worth. Now, without that, you feel like you aren’t proving anything to anyone, including yourself. Stop. This. Now.
Continue to explore who you are as a person. Continue doing the activities and hobbies you enjoy. It will only hurt you if you let go of the other parts of your life that excite you. Whether this is reading, cooking healthy food, cycling, whatever it may be. You are more than just what you do for a profession. A quote I always remind myself of is this, “wherever you go, there you are.” If you aren’t happy with who you are currently, even if you are unemployed as a recent grad, you will still have the same issues to deal with when you do secure that goal.
Be patient and recognize that no decision is the wrong decision.
Maybe you don’t really know what you want to do. Maybe it is really difficult to secure a job in the field you studied. Maybe you’re thinking about graduate school but just aren’t entirely sure what you should study.
Give yourself a break.
Don’t be afraid to apply for a job or even take a job for fear that it may not be the “right” decision. If you live like this, you’ll be stuck in a state of not making a decision, which is even worse. Believe me, I know this feeling all too well. Nothing is certain in life, and, frankly, nothing is 100% permanent. Just let yourself explore and gain experience and you will be surprised what you can learn from it.
Stop falling into the comparison trap.
What can make an expectation hangover worse? Comparing your life to others. Learn to love your life, not theirs. Otherwise you will constantly be discontented and disappointed in where you are in life. It’s not a race, and this is something I think we all need to remind ourselves of every day, because our brains are so easily influenced and impressionable.
Also, remember that you are not alone. Many people in our generation are feeling this way, and it doesn’t help that there is so much pressure on us. This pressure oftentimes comes from ourselves, with our high expectations and goals for our lives. Keep those dreams. Keep pushing forward.
Strive for progress, but do not be overtaken by a quest for more.
