How do you find courage?
First, we’d have to define courage.
That is not for me to do.
See, everyone has their own opinions and some are good in saying theirs is the right one. Well, it isn’t.
I sometimes beat myself up for not being as intelligent as some people I know. Why am I being left out in the race, I didn’t know has started. Being guilty for not staying a bit longer. Not seeing things through just because I know the ending.
The ending where I don’t end up really happy. That I might get sucked into somewhere I might not be able to recover from. That I’d be dead instead of living.
That kind of ending I fear.
So courage for me is fighting for my happiness. Even if it means I need to start the race again and again and again.
See, this kind of definition does not fit a lot but it kinda works for a few people like me who are not after anything materialistic.
Or maybe it fits other people too, they’re just afraid to lose the “comfort” that their unhappy life is giving them. We are so into things that we think we cannot live without them but just like I said. They’re just things. Gives us temporary kind of happiness but not something to fill the void permanently.
This is how I see courage but..
Courage can also mean leaving. Leaving the things that makes you happy in exchange for money because you’ve got obligations to fulfill. A paycheck that you need to bring home. A family you need to feed.
Courage can be pursuing your passion because you’d have a lot more naysayers than supporters. You’d have to bleed before you get to be appreciated. You’d have to wait until someone notices. Until then, you’d have to starve because your circumstances doesn’t always favor you.
Courage is to love. Something I really struggle with. Something I envy from my friends. Yes, people can’t use me. Yes, people can’t abuse what I can give. Yes, people can’t fool me but I’d trade a moment of pure bliss with someone I truly love for a lifetime of problems.
That I cannot do. Or how would I know. I’ve labeled everyone pursuing me as weak. Hoping they’d overcome my walls and fight my demons with me.
But loving is courage and I am one of its coward.
See, a lot of things fit in in the word courage.
Define yours and you’ll be courageous. Nobody has to do it for you. Our soul feels warm when something fits in.
So don’t force it.
Feel it.