The Benefits of Growing a Beard

I spent the first 23 years of my life without a beard. And I mean, they were a pretty good 23 years. But holy hell, have the last 6 ever been the best. It’s a commitment to grow a beard, you can’t just decide to do it and hope for the best. It needs to be taken care of and maintained properly if you want to reap all the benefits of it. And sometimes it’s annoying. We’ve all been through the itchy stages, usually the first few days when it’s starting to fill in, and a few weeks later when it gets to the length that it catches on everything and hurts your face every time you move. But oh boy, is it ever worth it. Life just gets better with a beard and here’s why:

It makes you look more mature. I have been blessed/cursed with a very young looking face, and without a beard I could probably still pass as a high school student. I have no issues with people asking for ID when I’m buying things like alcohol or smokes, I mean it’s the law, but getting passed over for your dream job because you look younger than you are sucks. Don’t let someone hold you back from your dreams because you’re clean shaven. Chris Hemsworth was a baby faced nobody, then the guy grew a beard and now he’s the friggin God of Thunder. A well maintained beard adds years to your look without making you look old. You’re going to look like a responsible adult who is qualified for that job. Go gettem, Tiger!

It makes you look tougher. I’ll admit that there are guys without beards who look tough obviously. And not everyone with a beard looks super tough, but I’ve never seen someone with a beard and thought “Wow, that guy is a weenie.” Even if they’re a slighter build, they’ve got some edge to them. Here’s an example. Look at George Clooney in “Batman & Robin” and then look at him in “Syriana”. I’m more willing to ask the CIA guy for help instead of the other guy. INSTEAD OF BATMAN! Let’s also look at how Mr. Clooney did with those roles. Bearded George Clooney won an Academy Award and a Golden Globe. Clean-shaven George Clooney almost ruined the Batman franchise. So there’s that. One thing is for sure though, any guy that’s bald with a big beard scares the hell out of me. Every single one. That’s tough.

It helps picks up chicks. Women have a predisposition to be attracted to beards. Throughout evolution, beards have been seen as a sign of virility and masculinity. Sure, there are handsome dudes that are clean shaven, but you throw a beard on that guy, and they go up another 2 points. They’re just balancing the numbers, and we should be appreciative. David Beckham, Bradley Cooper, Old Me. Still good looking guys, but they get way more numbers with a beard. Trust me. And while some girls don’t favor beards, it’s still in their DNA to recognize that you’re a man. A masculine man that can provide and keep them safe. And if they’re opting to not mate with you because you’re hairy, they’re not the one for you, bro.

It’s a built in face scarf. Winter is finally here and nothing protects you from the frigid and piercing winds like a beard. It’s part of the evolutionary process of human beings! Some people will go out and spend a bunch of money on a scarf or a neck-warmer or whatever else the TV is telling them to wear. But not you, you make your own. It keeps you warm and it’s free, that’s what I call a win/win situation.

It’s a built in dust mask. When we get back to Spring and there are pollens and dust and nonsense floating around all the time, your beard will act as a net of sorts. Keeping pollens off your face helps with the aging process, keeping your skin less likely to wrinkle and age. This will mean that you’re going to have a bit more maintenance to do, but a little extra time washing your beard seems like a pretty great trade off for aging well. Sean Connery is 85, but I wouldn’t give him a day over 65, and that guy has a great beard. You’re going to look like a youthful, mature man for years to come.

It’s a bonding experience. You may not speak with every guy with a beard that you pass on the street, but you’ll speak to a lot of strangers. A lot. Sometimes it’s a competition between guys and that’s alright. I frequently have guys asking me how long I’ve been growing my beard for. Their chin is up in the air, and they say it with a hint of challenge in their voice, but they ask. You know on discovery network when one gorilla is challenging another gorilla for dominance? And they give each other that stare-down, size each other up and then get down to business. Then whoever wins gets to be the King and everything goes back to normal. That’s basically what happens. But instead of punching each other and throwing logs and poop, it’s whoever can grow a beard thicker and faster is the winner. It’s just that easy. Then you both start talking about how awesome beards are. I’ve literally made friends simply because we both have great beards. It happens.

It makes you stand out. In a classroom/office/sidewalk you’re going to see a mass of people. Right off the bat 50% of them will be clean shaven because they’re women. Out of the men, let’s say it’s 50/50 because beards are trendy right now. So you’re now one of only 25% of people with facial hair. People notice. If you left your class or work for the holidays and you come back with a beard. People will notice. People who never noticed you before will notice. You’re going to meet new people, you’re going to get new jobs because you look mature. You’re going to keep warm in the winter, refreshed in the summer, and tough all year round.

You take care of that chin blanket, and it will take care of you.