This article is taken from a conversation when an online acquaintance of mine asked me how I became a MGTOW (it stands for Men Going Their Own Way). It begins with his question, and I go into my story.
My friend Bill: So what were your experiences that brought you to MGTOW? I sympathize with many of the concerns and I think I fit with the loose definition of the term, even if I’d still like to achieve a valuable marriage some day. Still, we each have our own journey, and I’m interested in hearing yours if you’re open.
My response:
Yes, I totally like to talk about it. Sometimes people like to draw you in and then try to use what you tell them as ammunition against you. It was pretty clear to me that Sarah was mostly on the defensive, and using manipulation tactics to prove her “feelings” are right.
Let me copy and paste something I just wrote to a new MGTOW friend from today. Here it is (so I don’t have to retype everything that I literally just wrote):
Thank you bro. It’s so good to find like minded people who are awake. I’ve been a MGTOW most of my life, way before I ever knew there was something called MGTOW, and before I knew there were other men who felt like me. They’re not easy to find in every day life. But yeah, I was trying to spread the ideas and values for over a decade, before I ever knew there was a movement.
But yeah, Bill. I would say just growing up in America, it was clear to me that men are treated unfairly, and women are handed things for nothing — and that this is actually what is expected. I saw a lot of injustice, and I experienced it myself.
When it comes down to men and women, now it is clearly a one-sided deal. A very bad deal. But men are continuing to act stupidly, and continuing to be desperate for any female attention and approval. And of course there’s a lot of white-knighting going on constantly, both in real life and online.
I thought at a young age that I wanted to turn the tables on the whole equation when it comes to dating. I started refusing to pursue women in any way whatsoever. The only way they would get any interest from me is if they pursued me, or if they actually treated me as an equal. And it’s pretty rare to get that unless you have money and resources. So I spent a lot of time alone.
I always thought that marriage was an insane and unappealing idea. And the older I got, the more clear it became that it only benefits the woman, in any real sense.
And the more research I do on MGTOW, the more videos I watch and hear men with good minds talk about this in a very well thought out way, the more clear this becomes to me.
I love Stefan Molyneux and his ideas. But his ideas on monogamous relationships, they really depend a lot on the idea that you can find a good and moral woman who treats you with respect. And I do not believe that that is a very realistic assumption, that a man can ever find such a woman. He (Stef) is married and he claims he is happy with his wife, and that she is the perfect woman, but that does not mean there are any more women out there like her. And I don’t necessarily believe all the praise he gives about his wife.
And Stef has said on the record more than once that if he hadn’t met her, it is pretty likely that he would take the MGTOW route. And he has said a lot of good things about MGTOW of course.
So he praises marriage, but it is not that credible of an idea I think, that there are women out there who are good enough people that you would commit to spending your life with and providing them with resources.
My coming to Thailand [on 3 different trips between 2013–2014 and a total of 3 months] was a real eye-opener and it changed my life majorly. I found a place where I could feel happy and where women still acted like women, and I could tolerate being around them.
Then one of my American friends (we served together on active duty army) — he did a Lot of work on me and put a lot of energy into convincing me that marriage is a good thing, and that a man’s role is to provide for women. I eventually decided that yes I want to try to live this family life that he was convincing me of, but never in America. Never. But I thought if I could move to Thailand and marry a Thai woman, maybe that could work for me in that context.
This was all in 2014 when he finally convinced me of it. After he had spent 6 years trying to get me to come around to it, while I was dead set against marriage and monogamy (before I ever heard of MGTOW).
The circumstances came together for me that I was actually able to move to Thailand. And my main motivation for getting married was actually to get a visa. But I was very serious about it, I was monogamous, I was all in, I was very much in love with her, and I was ready to spend my life with her and fulfill the role of a provider.
But I was not rich enough for her. Her parents and friends turned her against me because it was also expected that I provide for her parents as well. And I never agreed to that of course. Plus she was jealous of her cousin who had married on old rich white man from Canada who was basically a walking ATM. So she decided she was done with me, after her family put a lot of financial pressure on her (and I’m sure her friends).
So I went back to my old ways. The ways that actually make a lot more sense.
And my friend who convinced me of this married family-man life? His marriage was a fucking train wreck, he got hooked on drugs, his wife left him, and he killed himself just before I got legally married in Thailand. So I believe now that he mostly serves as a cautionary tale on what Not to do.
I still am open to meeting women and dating and having sex (of course!!!). I don’t believe I will ever find a woman who actually holds the moral agency and responsibility of a man. And who does not feel entitled to certain benefits just for having a vagina. I don’t expect to ever find that.
And it seems somewhat daunting and mentally unhealthy to spend the rest of my life alone. But who knows? Maybe that’s what’s best actually. I definitely feel like most women do not deserve to have a man these days, the way they act. And it would hopefully teach them to start being on good behavior (and stop acting like bitches) if all the men in the world walked away and did things on their own terms.
But most of all, I Never want to be with a Western or an American woman again. They are the worst. Over here, there is still a chance. But I know that female nature is the same worldwide, I knew that before I got married. But women are Absolutely better in non-feminized, non-westernized countries. At least they treat you with some common decency and respect.
