I always believe that people’s lives are like a bunch of strings, all growing on its end altogether; when some stop growing, new strings are born. Just like that annoying time when you put your headphone in your pocket, where it turned into a first-world problem where it gets tangled and you sigh while untangling it, the strings are intertwined with each other. At some point, you meet new people; your string intertwines briefly with the new string. They’re tangled to each other as both exchange their minds, ideas, or maybe hearts. It also works one-sided-ly too. Some people try to join their path with another’s, while some people are tired trying to untangle their string with toxic relationship, drinking themselves into oblivion, and finding their own peace.
Realizing that it’s the time for you to move on, freeing your string, most of the time is painful experience you have to go through. The sudden ugly truth that hit you on the face, leaving trauma or permanent scars, might make you think that it was the fated one, irreplaceable, and yet, “how did it come to an end like this?” People told you to get over it and I understand that it’s not as easy as they say, since I had ever tried untangling myself for 7 summers. But life goes on; impending deadlines, a mother to love, and friends that you need to return the favors for the solace in your hard time. Believe me when I say that you’ll be happy forever tangling your life with someone else’s life, the one to talk to in your old days and makes you want to travel back in time just to meet the person again. It doesn’t mean that happiness come from other people though. Some lived their life happily taking their time for themselves. Having a love of your life doesn’t need to be with the opposite gender, marriage, or having kids. Loving yourself is enough to prove that you live your life to the fullest. In fact, you don’t need anyone to validate the love for your life. And I wish I learned that sooner.
Once, I was trying so hard to let go of myself from the path that will never collide. I got depressed. Some of you may know that time to time despair and sorrow are etched to my face even when it has a crack of smile. It affects my study and even how I treated people. After some years, I finally turned my depression into sadness. As I was sad and took my time to myself, I braved myself to untangle myself by confessing my sin; triggering a peaceful end, but the strings will still grow closely. At least, that’s what we promised. And I promised myself to love myself more.
Now I always close my eyes and think about the future. There’s always this faceless one that I haven’t met before. Every time I patch it with the faces I endeared, it’s just not fit, it’s not right. Hence, I believe that our strings haven’t yet to intertwine. And when we do, I hope it’s the red one.
“Depression is holding on and sadness is letting go.” — Orange is the New Black