How my experience as a speaker at TEDx was awfully humiliating.

In April 2021, I decided to enroll in TEDx, which is held each year by my university.

It was a very bold decision to take back then, simply because I had this intense fear of speaking publicly.

It was a nightmare to chat with a crowd of people, some of whom I am not quite familiar with, let alone share my ideas and thoughts with hundreds of people I don’t know.

I had all these thoughts racing through my brain that I would not be good enough or that people would be totally disinterested in what I was going to share. Or, even worse, I will be humiliated by speaking or walking inappropriately.

Back then, I was reading a lot about the psychology and neuroscience behind habits and how they could significantly reshape your life.

I thought If I could share some of those invaluable pieces of information I learned about habits, others would be fascinated, as it may help them positively change their lives.

Then, I decided to apply, and a few weeks later, an online interview was set with some of those running the event.

It went well, or at least I assume it did. Therefore, I was quite confident that they would accept me as a speaker.

A part of me was happy since I decided to step out of my comfort zone and add some pressure to the activities I did. I guess those moments are the ones that will build your character.

However, a part of me was in a state of terror; all the thoughts of things not going as planned were running through my mind. My thinking process was disturbed a little at the time.

And so, the bigger part was yet to come. I had to do my research and organize my thoughts and ideas properly. I wanted everything to run smoothly and nothing to be ruined at all.

I was a little in my head.

I used to have exams at this time of the year. Consequently, preparing for the talk and studying for the exams were two things that drained me both physically and mentally.

It was extremely daunting, but I managed to do both things despite the insomnia and anxiety that made those couple of weeks a lot more challenging.

Two months later, the event is approaching, and I have heard no response as to whether I was accepted as a speaker or not. Should I keep preparing for the talk, or should I focus on the exams that are coming?

So, I sent a message to one of those who did interview me, and to make things much worse, she saw the message and didn’t respond.

A week before the event, they started announcing the speakers on their Instagram account, and of course I wasn’t one of them.

Still, I managed to keep preparing for the talk until the very last moment. I was still holding on to the very little chance I had of being a speaker.

It was something I desperately wanted to do.

Was It my ego that got in the way? Was It that I wanted others to give me a round of applause so that I could feel as though I had influenced people’s lives? Or was it that I had genuinely precious knowledge that others could benefit from? I would never know.

I was not accepted as a speaker. I was sent an email a month after the event saying that they had many speakers applying who were better candidates, and that is why I wasn’t selected.

It was a devastating moment. A feeling of sadness and anger hovered around me for some time after the event.

Not only wasn’t I selected, which I presume made a visible scar on my self-esteem, but also the way I was rejected made things more frustrating.

The main problem with this is that almost all the speakers who were selected were influencers, managers, and CEOs of major companies. People who have a major public influence

Essentially, they were people others wanted to listen to.

I don’t have any problem with those people; in fact, I really admire their stories and ideas. But I assume that they do have other ways and probably other major events that they can use to share their thoughts.

I guess that small events such as TEDx organized by universities and schools should allow others who are not as successful to share their knowledge.

If not, how can others hear the voices of students and, essentially, people my age who don’t have much experience or influence?

As one of the audience members, to enter the event, you have to pay for a ticket. There are sponsors as well. So, the financial part got in the way, and I assume it ruined the main idea behind the event.

Maybe those organizing the event had no choice but to accept influential people so that they could have a good number of tickets sold.

The thing is, much of the recent talk by celebrities at recent TEDx events is considered useless by many. We have to admit that not all famous people have valuable knowledge that others can learn from.

Well, to be honest, It could have been a rather personal experience at TEDx. I don’t want to make TEDx a bad event. I have learned a lot from TEDx talks I have come across on YouTube.

Maybe other TEDx events around the world are run differently and there is more room for people my age to share their experiences.