I grew up with entrepreneurial parents. It was a loving home but with a goal-driven base. Well meaning doesn't always mean constructive.
Growing up, any time I expressed any hint of creative artsiness, an underlying question put any arty inkling to rest— “how are you going to monetize or scale that”?
A series of tough life lessons forced me to question how much childhood conditioning had influenced my decisions later in life. At the age of 49 something happened which induced the decision to live a more authentic life.
Conditioning is generational and planted deep in our core.
Long after I left home, my left brain had continued to influence and suppress my creative side. The logical left hemisphere was actively monitoring every creative impulse 24/7. If I felt the urge to paint or sew, the voice of sensibility would step in and demand an answer to the questions; “what’s the point of this, and what else could you be doing better with your time”?
I would give myself a proverbial kick up the backside and a slap around the ears for being inspired by something other than that which would bring my hard wired definition of success.
Success goals can be toxic.
The problem with having a goal is that unless you are enjoying the journey you may be wasting time to get to a finish line which ends up feeling irrelevant.
Time is something you can’t borrow from your life and repay it back later.
Even if you reach a goal to prove something to yourself, the question remains: When do you actually give yourself permission to enjoy it?
The gap is the vacuum where inspiration can enter.
We fill our diaries with activities we label as “productive.” We may feel guilty if there is a gap in our calendar, or decline someone who makes a request to fill that space.
Why is it not ok to say, I am sorry my diary is full… without then feeling the need to offer an excuse? To whom do you owe an explanation, and why?
It can be so hard to just do nothing, to value the GAP and cultivate the creative parts of you.
We’re sitting under the tree of our thinking minds, wondering why we’re not getting any sunshine… Ram Dass
Our modern version of this would be — turn off the TV, turn off the phone, and force yourself to do nothing for a period of time during your day!
To create a vacuum, you first need to clear the space. Create negative pressure, and something will try to enter that space created. The trick with prioritizing life is how to guard mental space and be mindful about what we allow to fill it.
This something I was terrible at and this had to change — my mental and physical health was on the line.
Goals??? A blessing or a curse.
The definition of a goal is: “the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result”. A goal is a destination in the future, something to get to. If we can enjoy the process of achieving goals, the whole journey enriches our lives.
The trap we can fall into however, is when the pressure of achieving the goal can be all consuming to the point there is no room for creativity.
Rick Rubin one of the most successful recording producers was asked where creativity comes from. He likened it to a cloud where every time you look at it you can see something different. Maybe an elephant next time a duck. You have to wait for the creativity to come and follow that thread.
Some people enjoy the focus of deadlines, but for others the pressure tank is a kill-joy, and it’s hard to stand back and allow creativity to feed a bigger dream and it’s process of becoming.
What happens when you choose the wrong goal?
I learned this the hard way by getting into a business that nearly broke us (me and my partner).
The flags were there. If only I’d been open to seeing them. The appeal of the positives obscured the many clues that the business might violate many of the principles we wanted to live by.
It was a means to an end — a dead end!
I was mentally and physically exhausted. The people I had to deal with daily were diodes (a one way circuit) with an entitled mindset. They did not understand win win and what integrity means to their customers.
We had inherited a structured system we had no part in creating, but ended up being responsible for.
It was one of those soul destroying never doing this again situations.
Freedom comes from identifying your attachments.
Having a raw, brutal, no bullshit look at your belief systems is not easy.
Facing your vulnerability, and cultivating compassion for the unconscious you, is the key to unlocking true freedom.
I didn’t like what I saw; my fear driven conditioned left side of the brain had a lot of negative opinions. It gets pissed when you try and change the status quo.
But when you finally understand something fully, like the Matrix – you’ve taken the red pill, you can’t unknow it.
Allowing what belongs to arrive into the vacuum.
What if we could stand outside our minds and discipline ourselves to nurture our mental space. Establish the vacuum…
If we allow ourselves to dream and be still for long enough, the subconcious will work away and become more selective and clear about what fits and what doesn’t. By not struggling it opens up the pathway by itself.
Starting again with an upgraded mental toolkit.
I changed my operating systems so when a temptation to chase a new shiny opportunity arrives, it is intercepted, quarantined and impurity filtered.
When a creative urge arrives, I welcome it as an opportunity. I know that many of my good business ideas come to me while I am doing something completely unrelated. Permission has been granted by me, to be me and be free!
I created a list of my requirements and rules for happiness when an idea pops into my head.
When I say rules, I mean a metaphorical test kit, where I ask myself what’s driving the impulse to jump down a new path.
Once I identify the reasons for wanting to do something I am able to decide whether the opportunity in that moment is congruent with what I want life to be.
Positive reinforcement comes from awareness and making conscious choices.
You get to choose — not your right-brain chatterbox.
- It’s ok to be ‘weird.’
- It’s ok to ask questions
- It’s ok to be nice to your unconscious self and bring your truth back into focus
- It’s ok to do nothing and sit under a tree (in fact, it’s vital)
- It’s ok to keep your checklist handy and say no to anything that doesn’t belong in your vacuum
- Is it’s ok to start again
- It’s ok to embrace the things you love to do even if they don’t make sense
I have picked up a lot of skills; they have a lot of value to other people. Once upon a time, I’d be ‘shoulding on myself ‘“‘ about how I might apply them.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
I now closely monitor the environments I work in, online and offline to ensure they are enriching for me. I continually assess how saying yes will support or detract from the life I want to live, without apology.
The ‘test kit’ can be applied to anything and everyone with kindness and compassion (for both them and me).
It’s ok to ask yourself; is this a guilt or conditioning-driven goal, or something that nurtures what’s in your vacuum?
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