Facing Fears

A glance over to the clock that remains left of me on my bedside table, the fatigue of a late night compromises my vision, but I could see clearly the blaze of the red numbers stating 1:35. That’s the thing about being a dedicated student, important things like sleep, eating, and family become insignificant while traveling the road to success. You can always sleep when you’re dead, eat on the go, but when it comes to family you’ll never get those moments back. The constant nag of failure is always whispering in your ears and that worries me most, what if I’m wasting all my “good days” doing homework just so I can get an A? What is so important that this one letter grade is destroying my relationships with my family and friends and even my mental health?

I hope most college students experience this doubt too, but what I hope for more is that they figure out how to balance a healthy life and a successful career because it is possible. Our generation’s biggest flaw is giving into that doubt and never fully pursuing it as something that might initiate the process. Fear can be your worst enemy, but also your best stimulant. There will always be that doubt that remains in the back of my mind, but my determination to reach my furthest potential is much stronger. Not only do I owe it to myself and my family to never give up, but also that once smaller Michaela, the one that dreamed of a life filled with adventure and success.

As a small girl with a busy mind, I always calculated how I could measure my time wisely and still do all the things I hoped for. During that time it was more for playdates and how I was going to be a chef and an actress at the same time, but now my time calculations regard schoolwork, family, and somehow squeezing in eating and sleeping. When I was young I never realized what all high school entailed and being a high schooler now I can only assume what college will be like. My first little taste of college this year, taking an English and government class, has opened my eyes to what a stressful time it will be for me and that only includes the work and none of the other factors. My biggest worry is not knowing how to balance the time between all these elements of life, while still staying true to my ambitions.

Although, there is no way of telling if you’re in the “good days”, all you can do is hope for a better future, and to get there means struggle. For all I know my struggles could be the accomplice to some of my good days. Life’s factors are always going to be a time predicament and my thought process always puts school first, but that can’t be the most important thing. My worries about failure are the stimulus for my success, and if that struggle means a happier future then it looks as if this is going to be a beautiful struggle..

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