Four Years Down, Three More to Go…
Once I got off work It was so hard to distract myself to kill off the next three hours.
I drove around for bit, picked up some chinese food, checked out a few stores, my typical “kill some time” routine
It felt quiet more than usual that night.
Pulled into her driveway, nervous as can be. She answered the door and invited me in.
I hadn’t been to her house before. We met every week for a couple of months to challenge each other at being a better person.
Walked in, looked around at the setup, dim lights with stones, guitars and plants.
Perfect and relaxing.
Something I never thought I ever wanted would come true before me.
Found the boyfriend and chatted with him for a bit while we waited for her to setup the room.
Listening to others was always my charm in a conversation, I didn’t feel too talkative then either way.
I sat in her living room listening to the acoustics drifting along.
Couldn’t think of anything directly, for once I had a blank slate going through me.
Everything felt gentle, just right to the point where nothing could ruin this moment.
She appeared again and asked for my presence
Next was the necessities to start the session.
Ran through the questions, still nervous
Mostly personally info of what I wanted to achieve, what was bothering me at the moment.
It was hard and unusual for me to open up on such an intimate level like before, it broke ground for sure.
I found myself venting my frustration over the death of my grandmother and my recent suicidal feelings.
No one wanted to listen, luckily I found someone who wanted to listen.
She sat there taking in everything I told her with respect and kindness and guided me through to the next stage.
Then I was asked to sit in a chair and to face north.
She put her arms on my shoulders with a mother’s love she blessed her magic onto me, it was then in that instance I knew I felt safe with her. I didn’t know what she was going to do me exactly, but I knew it would help me.
She took my necklace off and I went into my space, a place where I can escape from everyone and everything and feel like no can hurt me or get to me.
I found myself standing, leaving the room and reaching the clouds.
I was standing above the clouds, I wanted to hop from one to another.
The place felt so calm and more importantly,
Something I hadn’t felt in since I was child.
As the trance continued the clouds grew darker.
Someone was up there with me.
All of sudden I found myself confronting pain that ignored
Not because I was stubborn, but I was raised to act that way toward feelings, to appear ignorant to internal pain and let it slide into small pool ready to burst with agression.
I felt the hatred and pain these people inflicted onto me.
How I felt when it happened,
I returned to the pain I neglected to face for so long, moments when I let people take advantage of me to put me down for their own personal gain.
Then out of the blue I found myself altering those memories to where I retaliated back
I decided to fight back with my words
This confidence overwhelm me to the point where nothing can hurt me.
Suddenly I was all alone, away from the pain, like they were vanquished from my thoughts never to be revisited.
There was this cave with a light beaming underneath me. I could barely see anything but myself.
I was floating slightly above the surface and found myself wearing a nice black suit for some reason, can’t complain about that.
Pride ran through me for like a jet of energy surging through every particle of my being, like I could take on any challenge and overcome it with all my might.
I felt eager and ready to take on life and the hurdles it was preparing to put me through in the years to come.
When everything settled I heard her voice again, “All right Michael I want you to open your eyes and have a seat on the couch.” I was going back to planet earth.
I came back, I’m not sure where I went but it felt like a challenge.
Something which I felt like I succeeded
I sat down and she asked “How was I ?” and I simply replied “Good.” as drained as I was.
Whatever that was it took so much energy out of me I felt numb sitting in the chair opposing her.
With a gentle smile she replied “This is the beginning of good things to come.”
On one hand I was still perplexed on what just transpired, however I believed in her words.
They felt like they were coming from a place of genuine freedom.
After that I wanted to trust people again, to not feel so angry and hurt
To allow myself to be open as I would with my closest friend, to treat them just the same.
Physically I went through a work out, as well as another aspect of my being
When she finished what little business she had left she greeted farewell.
She hugged me and wished me goodnight while I heard her so tight and thanked her as I started to cry
I drove home and went straight to bed, calm as can be. Even up against the noise of world. I could zone out from their conversations into my own space.
For once in my adult life I could feel optimistic toward a future, something I had no idea what was ahead of me but I was ready to face it with courage.
A strength I had forgotten locked inside me that was saved from the healing of a quirky woman, go figure.