Plenty of Fish… So What?

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

Let me explain why this should not make anyone feel better.

First and foremost, you’re comparing a person to a fish. That’s insulting.

Secondly, the saying states “fish” and not “fishes”. For those that don’t know, plural “fish” is used for a group of one species while plural “fishes” is used for a group containing more than one species. I know, neat, right? I had to google that one. Anyway, by saying “fish,” and not “fishes,” you are implying (correctly) that I can only mate with the same species. Maybe that translates to ethnicity? You damn racist.You’re limiting my options.

Still don’t see the picture? Let’s say I’m an anchovy, but I’m into bigger girls. Maybe I want a bluefin tuna (talk about opposites attracting). Well, it doesn’t matter. Sucks for me. Tough luck. According to you, if she’s not an anchovy, we can’t hook up. Biologically speaking, anchovy isn’t even a species, it’s part of that bigger group called a family. An anchovy and a tuna? Hella far on that classification tree. Like a human and a bird or something. But they’re both fish. It’d make more sense for you to say something like “there are plenty of Peruvian Anchoveta in the sea” which sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Maybe I took it the wrong way. Maybe you meant for me to picture myself as a fisherman. Maybe you were saying that it’s okay if she got away, there are millions of other fish for me to catch. Another plus is that I’m not limited to anchovies. With the right bait, pole, and patience, I can get that bluefin tuna. Hell, I could get a whale if I wanted to. Now I’m actually starting to feel a little better. That is, until I realize what a fisherman actually does. A fisherman sticks a chunk of meat on his hook and throws it out into sea, waiting for a poor and innocent swimmer to fall for his bait. That’s right. he (in this case, me) deceives and lies. Once a fish (metaphorically speaking, a girl) bites, we fight and we fight and we fight. When the fight is over I have two options. Option A, I let the beautiful thing go because it’s the “right thing to do” or whatever therefore leaving me ‪#‎foreveralone once again. Option B, I eat it in which case it dies. I guess there’s also option C which is to separate it from its family and natural habitat by imprisoning it in a tank for the rest of its life. Oh yeah, I feel a lot better.

Okay so maybe I’m taking this way too far. All you wanted to get across was that other girls are out there. I’ll probably say something cheesy like “BUT SHE WAS THE ONE!” which at that moment probably seems 110% true and you can’t sway me otherwise. Long story short, the saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” isn’t very effective. It’s a pity comment. Next time, just buy me a drink.