Romeo and Juliet In A Nutshell
[Romeo’s family and Juliet’s family hate each other for unexplained reasons. Like really hate each other. Like kimchi in milk. No one knows why but they just don’t mix well together.]
Romeo thought he was in love with a girl named Rosaline. He thought she was THE ONE. He got all depressed and whatnot because they couldn’t be together.
His friends were all like “Ahhh forget about it. Let’s go to the ball and paarrtay!”
So he went to some kind of party. Which I guess was kind of like your modern day nightclub. But more sophisticated with nice dresses and stuff.
As soon as he saw Juliet, he forgot all about Rosaline Her name was never mentioned ever again in the rest of the play. Who the hell is Rosaline?
Juliet was like 13.
Romeo was like 16 or something.
That’s middle school age.
They met twice and that’s good enough for him. So they got married. Middle schoolers got married.
But Juliet’s parents want her to marry this weird dude named Paris.
Juliet says nah so she goes to this friar which is like a monk and he gives her this sleeping potion so that she can fake her death and run away with Romeo later.
So she takes the potion and everyone thinks she’s dead and they put her in a coffin.
Romeo didn’t get the memo and so he thinks she’s totally dead. So he kills himself.
Juliet wakes up expecting Romeo to be ready to go but he’s dead. So she kills herself.
Both Juliet’s and Romeo’s parents show up and they’re all like, “oh no,” but they don’t kill themselves.
Romeo’s dad is all like “Damn this is sad, I’ll raise a gold statue of Juliet.”
And Juliet’s dad is like “Yeah me too I’ll do one of Romeo next to Juliet’s.”
Then they’re both like “yo let’s be homies.”
Then the prince is all like “let’s make like a burrito and wrap up” and busts out this sick rhyme:
“For never was there a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.”