An Open Letter to My Ego
(Mike DePung — Post II.67–17)
Yes, we are one. You are part of my total being, as is Heart. You have had your role and still do. However, let me make this clear: I know how you work and how to use you.
Oh, this isn’t a threat. It’s simply part of awakening. I know those impulses you use to fire up the lower order emotions, my friend. And what Heart has helped me learn has been the contraries between you and Heart evoke creation.
How? I’m glad you asked, trying to trick me into doubting myself. So you help me answer the question: coming up with solutions, answers, with those much higher frequency emotions, that’s how. The dynamic tension leads me to creativity. That’s why I write for now! Pretty nifty!
Yes, I’m aware that you wish to keep me safe from ridicule, but that means you sabotage me. Yes, you do. By drawing me into conformity. And you do that through giving the standard command signals to my soul to produce those lower frequency emotions.
You really think I don’t know? When I have little response to any of my writings, you tell me to run into hiding by allowing insecurity, doubt, and lowered self-confidence. Oh, you may think you’re not trying to hurt me, but when you seek to force me to conform to the expectations of society, you nullify my purpose, you muddy my focus. Well, you may think that helps, but it causes confusion and frustration, and those are worse than ridicule or perceived failure.
I know that, too, Ego. Your other standard ploy. With you it’s always flight or fight. So, you fire up your old circuitry and give me inflated self-image, an unreal one, an attitude of superiority, the old “I’m right and everybody else is wrong.” It’s false, that’s why it’s bad! It makes me blind to others’ good opinions and ideas and creations. It isolates me and discourages me by making me feel as if no one understands me.
Yes, you overextend when you play both ends against the middle. Your attempts to cause me to withdraw and hide or stand and be recognized in false pride would keep me in limbo, keep me where the mass of people live, because you Egos wield some real power. No, there is nothing attractive about living a resigned life of hopeless despair.
Bad news? Well, that’s bad news because, Ego, when I lift up my eyes from my own sorry state and know Heart and the reconnection with eternal Spirit, who gave you operating license to begin with, then I see the eternality of my soul and the unity with all.
I know how to create once again. I know how to release the more negative energy and frequencies and purposefully call on Heart to allow those impulses of love, light, and understanding.
Yes, I hear you, and it won’t work. Perfection is neither required nor even defined. Whatever I do in Heart-energy, no matter how it may appear to you or others, it’s not wrong.
No, I will not trade my joy, happiness, sense of significance, purpose, love, and light for resignation to despair, for drudgery every day, for surrender to You just to make myself acceptable to the perceptions, beliefs, and personal truth of others. I will, Ego, bless myself in my own truth. I will write and live with Heart as my primary operating system.
Thanks for your contributions to who I am, Ego, but now I will follow my Heart, fellowship with my Heart, value and hold that worth more than your paltry offers of safety and security.
Then, what? Things you don’t understand. Ego, you’re selfish. You just don’t get gratefulness for others and for my eternal Self. You can’t grasp the concept of faith in the working of Spirit and Universe from which I draw all that I wish.
So, I release those emotions sparked by You, Ego, and allow the ones I choose. I will create through the physical means and forms I have chosen. Through my work, I will know what you can only provide in an ephemeral facade: I will experience the riches of love, light, and Spirit. I will not, Ego, as you would have me, attach to the physical forms which may produce disappointment. I will allow and experience Happiness.
Happiness. That’s it, ultimately, and you can’t give it because it’s not found in assuming inferiority or superiority. It’s found in Unity. And it feels good, not numb as You would have me, but damn good. I love this whole Discovery lifestyle!
Sincerely from this body-mind-soul complex choosing Heart as my operating system.