Dominance for Nice Guys — With Nina Hartley

Around 100 million women bought 50 Shades of Grey — which means if you’re a guy, there are probably women standing around you at this very moment curious about exploring sexual submission to a man. It’s one of the biggest “open secrets” of hetero female sexuality.

If you’re an average “nice guy” — -the kind that cares about women and respects them — -you might think that this is not for you, that you have to be an emotionally damaged billionaire (or at least some kind of cocky alpha male asshole) to make a good Dom.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

Because the reality is, average “nice guys” have what it takes to make the best Doms.

What??!! Huh??!!

Properly understood, hetero male Dominance is not (as in that book) some weird addiction on the part of the man who needs to get is “fix”, nor is it an acting out of actual cruelty. It is not an act of “taking” from the submissive female partner.

It is, in fact, an act of “giving” to the female submissive partner. Women seek out submission for many reasons, but usually one of those reasons is to experience what is called “sub space.” This is a glorious “vacation” from her rational, thinking, analyzing, planning mind — which she uses all day at work and after work as she goes about her to-do’s.

When being dommed well in bed, she gets to enter into a pure state of flow where she has no responsibilities in the outside world, no worries, no cares, she is simply present and following, as in a beautiful dance. It is an exquisite space of altered consciousness, as powerful and wonderful as any drug. All that remains for her is the present moment, a state of extreme focus and hyper-reality. It has to be experienced to be understood. You are not “taking’ from her in this space, you are guiding her her safely and expertly, like a tourguide to an exciting and exotic land.

Women who experience it for the first time, and can’t imagine what it’s all about, frequently beg for more once they experience it. It is super hot.

But there’s another open secret among women who desire this kind of play:

A good Dom — someone who can guide her into and out of subspace with expert care — is hard to find. Women who want to be dommed (which is a surprising percentage of women) complain about this all the time.


Not because it’s hard to find cocky, arrogant, full-of-themselves men (the stereotype of a Dom.)

No, such men (and Doms) are a dime a dozen.

The reason it’s hard to find a good Dom is that the #1 requirement of a good Dom is that he *care* — about a woman’s experience, her boundaries, her safety, her feelings, her heart — and that he treat these with the finest concern. A good Dom pays an enormous amount of attention to his partner’s experience, something that the cockier guys don’t know how to do.

That is the starting place of good Domming, and it’s actually the nice guys — the guys who would never intentionally harm a woman or treat her poorly, and who care deeply about consent and know how to pay attention well to a woman — that have this part down the best, not the cocky alphas.

For this reason, I have teamed up with Nina Hartley to teach an intimate, live, in-person workshop called “Dominance for Nice Guys”, coming up on the West Coast in October. Nina is one of the most famous porn stars in history. She has starred in over 1,000 adult films, and has been an outspoken voice and educator for the sexual empowerment and liberation of women and men alike. She has also been a registered nurse, is the author of “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Total Sex” (Penguin), played a role in Boogie Nights, and has made dozens of instructional sex videos, including “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual Domination,” “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Sensual Submission,” “Nina Hartley’s Guide to Spanking.”

Nina has mentored me over many years, I have learned so much from her, and it is an honor to be teaching with her now.

In this daylong workshop, limited to only 20 men (for maximum attention), you’ll get personal 1-on-1 training in dominance from Nina and from me.

You will learn multiple practices and disciplines, from the Dom side, including:

→ How to set up a D/s scene so that her boundaries and consent are respected exquisitely. Not only does this keep her (and you) safe, but it also ensures she’ll want to play with you again and again.
 → Presence, frame control, and emotional confidence
 → Collar and leash
 → Spanking
 → Flogging
 — < Hair-pulling
 → Secrets of dirty talk
 → The hottest erotic role play
 → How to talk to women about your new D/s skills in such a way that they’ll want to explore with you.

And yes, Nina is excited to let you practice all of these HANDS-ON, with her and another female professional submissive demo model, giving you real-time feedback until you’ve got these skills just right.

When you are confident that you can bring a woman safely into and out of subspace, and when you communicate about you skills clearly, you will find that a world of erotic opportunity opens up to you: there are so many women who want to experience this, and so few men able to provide it.

Our vision is a world in which all the women who fantasize about the hot kinky sex they read about in 50 Shades of Grey can have it — without the abusive and manipulative relationship dynamics in that book and film. That’s why we’re training nice guys how to engage in consensual, nourishing, mutual power dynamics. That’s why we want to train YOU.

It’s going to be a really fun day, with lots of interactive exercises and 1-on-1 practice with Nina and another female model (no nudity though), in a gorgeous, sunny, spacious private loft near downtown Los Angeles. For a modest investment, this 1 day will be a major game-changer for your sexuality, and will introduce you to the darker arts of sexuality in a safe, supportive, friendly context.

This workshop is held quarterly in Los Angeles and San Francisco.

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