Losing Your Mind? Take These 3 Steps To Relieve Your Anxious Parenting Triggers

Michael Fraser
2 min readJun 6, 2022

You love your children dearly but get triggered by their challenging behaviors. Our feelings should never get in the way of meeting the needs of our children.

When anxiety is triggered by our children’s needs, our perspective of the situation becomes colored by our anxious feelings. Like the soundtrack of a scary film such as Jaws (film), we begin to experience fear and dread the moment the music starts.

Acknowledging that we have difficult feelings in response to our children’s needs helps us diffuse our emotional intensity. Being honest with ourselves about our own discomfort will help move us closer to attending to our children’s needs.

Of course, as parents, we have needs too, but they should never be prioritized over our children’s. To do this, we must recognize and acknowledge that we are triggered by the need our child is expressing.

Instead of focusing on our emotions, we can respond to our children’s needs. By responding to their needs and tending to our own later, we create a more secure attachment for our children and for ourselves.

  1. Identify your discomfort by acknowledging the moment you begin to feel impending doom, the scary soundtrack; Shark Music.
  2. Tell yourself that you’re hearing Shark Music because of this specific need your child has.
  3. Respond to your children’s needs first, and fulfill your own needs in a more appropriate moment.

What are the actual needs my child is communicating through this behavior? And, how do I meet those needs?

If you want to learn more about your child’s needs and developing secure attachment, I highly recommend signing up for the Circle of Security Parenting course.

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