Here’s five MPs that need to get in the bin
Yeah, I said it. These MPs need to find themselves the nearest bin and place themselves in it for the foreseeable future until they've learnt their lesson. Other bloggers might suggest that we should put these MPs in the sea, however that action is futile as it fails to take into account the natural buoyancy of each and every member of parliament.
1. Kate Hoey
Let's get the heavy hitters out the way first, controversial though it may be I think Ms Hoey is deserving of a lengthy stint in a garbage receptacle for her years of bin-worthy behaviour.
Crimes include: sharing a platform with George Galloway and Nigel Farage, wanting to kill foxes, wanting to bring back handguns and voting for John McDonnell as her first preference for leader.
Sentence: remaining time left of Brexit negotiations spent in a bin the shape of Farage's face, full of cigarette butts and hops, lovely.
2. Chris Williamson
Chrissy boy here has a long rap sheet too, the first being his mucking about with his username on the website twitter dot com. Having MP in his @ while not an MP then removing when returning to parliament, utterly shambolic. Next up is the matter of his hairline - you are a bald man Chris, accept that fact and get rid of the mess currently on your head. Thirdly is the fact he's repeatedly attempted to justify and rationalise Antisemitic positions he's taken with more Antisemitism alongside conjuring up some fake Mandela quotes too.
Sentence: four years in a bin out in the sticks, Outer Hebrides or something - basically anywhere where nobody can hear him give Labour MPs a bad name.
3. Philip Davies (aka the political champion of yer da)
Philip spends his time filibustering bills because he's literally the only person who likes the sound of his voice. One bill he's filibustered was a requirement for homes to be fit for human habitation, Philip is a landlord himself and like many other landlords who twilight as MPs would rather a slightly larger bank balance than ensuring the safety of their tenants.
Sentence: placement in a bin in direct view of the Grenfell tower, only to be removed once work on the site has finished.
4. Zac Goldsmith (God's perfect asshole)
2016 was a rubbish year, one of the few joys I got from it was watching Zac get battered by the electorate on two separate occasions. Zac somehow thought it was a bright idea to run a racist mayoral campaign in one of the most diverse cities in the world. So in a sense, he's been punished enough already by the almighty suplex my boy Sadiq administered on him during the election.
Sentence: to be named Tsar of the third runway by mayor Sadiq Khan and spend a year in a bin at Heathrow.
Jacob is a member of the landed gentry who thinks drinking Starbucks makes you part of the metropolitan elite. Jacob seems to think that having a few posh affectations makes up for a voting record so socially conservative it'd make Ian Paisley blush. Jacob is colossally annoying to me, and he's not going to be the person to save the Conservatives and frankly sensible heads in the party should keep him as far away from high office as possible.
To that end his sentence is a stint in a bin in geostationary orbit above London until it's been agreed that any remnants of Mogg-based hype have died (4 years as an advisory).