We’re not even halfway into January and already at least half of those who made New Year’s Resolutions have messed them up. Luckily I am not one, because I gave up on New Year’s resolutions four years ago. Instead, I quit using all mind altering substances as they call them, on January 7th. I discovered that worked better.
The Babylonians started this New Year’s insanity four thousand years ago. But their year began in March, on the night of the first new moon after the equinox, the longest day of the year, when they planted their crops. …
It’s a modern Mark Twain quote: Rumors of her demise are exaggerated.
Pictures appeared last week claiming that Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe’s greatest tourist attraction, has gone dry.
The rumor is somewhat true. But the pictures, it turns out, were taken at an angle that maximized the dry portion.
All I want for Christmas is the truth. I’ve had enough alternative facts these past three years to last the rest of my days. People are saying to me, Sir, some of the things you reckon you know about Christmas, some of the people you reckon you know, aren’t what, aren’t who, you’re reckoning.
Don’t hold it against me. I’m a Jew. We eat Chinese food on Christmas, according to the memes. We’re intellectual and we want to know things. I can’t say I’m pure. But I don’t like hypocrites any more than you do. And something here smells fishy.
If you are a writer or creative professional, the following short article is designed to make you feel good. In case it does the opposite, please strap on your metaphorical seat belt.
We are going to speak of prolificity in writing.
I don’t mean Joe Soap’s obvious prolific, like Stephen King. Yes, King’s work has been the source of thousands of successful film and TV hours, and yes, he has sold 350 million copies of actual books.
I don’t even mean the sexy librarian’s prolific, Agatha Christie, who has outstripped King’s sales ten times over. Christie holds the world record…
Of all the screwed up SMS language I’ve come across so far, “Hie” is the one that really makes me risk losing my innocence.
Maybe it’s a South African thing. Almost half the people I know here use this three-letter replacement for a two-letter word. And especially African women.
Why? Who is teaching them this?
A Google search for “Hie” shows only two things.
1. A somewhat arcane yet very popular NY Times Crossword Puzzle answer meaning “to go quickly.”
2. Hypoxic Ischemic Encephalopathy, “a type of brain damage that occurs when an infant’s brain doesn’t…
Screw Greta Thunberg.
Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii should be TIME’s Person of the Year. She’s the bravest politician alive in any country, and should be given the US Presidency in 2020 permanently.
Since I can’t make either of those things happen, I am doing what is within my power and naming her Create Your Creativity’s Inaugural USofAMERICAN INNOVATOR OF THE YEAR for 2019.
She took the title out of nowhere in three bold, swift moves over the past weeks:
So it turns out there was this club founded in the 1880s called “The Thirteen Club.” It was launched on a Friday the 13th, of course. Its 13 founders walked under ladders to enter the building’s Room 13, which was filled with spilled salt. They dined by the light of 13 candles on a 13 course meal, one of which, the lobster, was molded into coffin shapes.
The club continued to meet monthly for more than a decade. It grew to over four hundred members, including five US Presidents, and spread to other cities and continents. Their suppers continued to…
There are four hundred billion birds in the world. This means I have more than fifty birds of my own.
Perhaps these are the ones singing outside my window, in the rainy Johannesburg pre-dawn dark. What are they chirping about, in this weather? Are they proclaiming triumph, chatting, or just being habitual? I ought to enjoy their songs, but instead my mind is running: Are they my birds? Or have someone else’s birds gotten into my yard? And if so, where are mine then?
The bird population used to be higher, you know. Hundreds of years ago there were billions…