The Dark Side Of Building
The stereotypical Builder or Building worker is supposed to be “a man!’ a rock, a tough bastard and a person who handles everything and anything. No way would he share a tear or have any form of emotion because, he has his shit together. Unfortunately this is so untrue. We were brought up not to show our emotions when we were younger and if we did, we had to shut them down or “Suck it up!”
If I bought something from a shop, I would have to pay straight away. In this Industry you do the work first, supply the labour and materials and then get paid at a stage or when you submit your monthly claim and get paid two weeks after that. Only to be six weeks behind again. The worst thing that can happen and it happens in this industry is when people go broke or refuse to pay, and take you down with them. So many people I know have lost their homes, relationships, mental and physical health over this risky business.
All this pressure, and if you haven’t guesstimated your time, materials and labour. You are now further behind and the pressure mounts up. Add this to your relationship issues at home with money, children etc. You come home angry and unfortunately you become ‘’the werewolf within” and explode the moment you walk in the door, trying to hold it together but the werewolf comes out. Anger, frustration, narcissistic behaviour and any other forms is abuse and not fair to the people you love the most. This is one scenario and there are many other stories of emotional issues that occur.
SUICIDE IN THE BUILDING INDUSTRY
I read an article a few weeks ago regarding suicide. As many as 40 men in the Construction Industry in Queensland commit suicide each year. Another 100 are left disabled from their attempted suicide. 500+ will attempt suicide in a year. This is a disturbing issue in this industry. There are other issues like depression, drugs, relationships, alcohol and other drivers as well.
The article also states: Relationship problems have been shown to play a greater role in suicide among construction workers than in the general population, with one study putting relationship as a factor in construction suicides at 53.1 per cent compared to 29.5 per cent among the wider population. The relationship factor spikes upward to 75 per cent among construction workers in the 15–24 age group as compared to 27.2 per cent of the general population.
I wrote to the CEO of “Mates in Construction “Jorgen Gullestru. I shared the issues I’ve had in the past with my marriage breakup/divorce and much more that I went through. He told me that my story is all too familiar. Lucky for me I have a great mate who coached me through the dark times. I will never forget him saying to me. “You are not dying on my watch!” How many of us have someone who you can confide in and can be there for you? I can’t thank him enough.
Henry David Thoreau, Walden once stated “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation”
I had a guy work for me many years ago. I got him to do a Personal development course to help him with a particular issue he had at the time. He loved the course and it created a bond between us. I got a call one morning from the Personal Development company who told me that (I’ll call him Nick) Nick threatened he was going to kill himself last night. I was the only person he wrote down as a contact. I quickly stopped everything and drove to his house. I had no idea what I was going to face, I was hoping he was going to be alive. The drive getting there felt like it took forever.
I stopped outside his home, my mind and heart was racing. I looked up, and Nick was staring at me. I was relieved. As soon as I got out of the car he said to me. “Why are you here? Why do you care? And you will forget me anyway!” I told him I will never forget him and if he is reading this: I have never forgotten you mate.
Alcohol and Drugs
One of my best mates Frank Bradley I met in the 80’s was an alcoholic. The lung cancer from smoking two packets of cigarettes a day finally got him. I decided to go to an AA meeting to see what it was all about. It opened my eyes to the stories I heard. I then understood my mate more after that night. For those who are suffering with this, please go and check this out. My mate Frank used to say to me. “One drink is too many and one thousand is not enough”
I worked with an amazing man who did restoration work on old homes. His workmanship was far superior to anyone in his field. It was hard seeing sweat all day and once he went home to get his fix, he came back to site a different man. He lost his business and worked for a company who gave him this work knowing he was a heroin addict. He was an asset regardless of what was happening to him personally.
I think about Thoreau’s statement daily. I meet people who are suffering in their businesses and in their relationships. It’s a bloody tough industry and people don’t talk about this, as it would be shameful to say there are people you work with that have these issues. I don’t believe it’s shameful at all. I wrote a similar article over ten years ago and was told to take it down as it will make our business at the time look bad. This pissed me off and I shouldn’t have listened to this person. This needs to be exposed so people out there know, they are not alone and people actually care about them.
Another great mate of mine suffers from insomnia all his life. Imagine only having two to three hours of sleep a day! If he got cranky or didn’t want to listen to someone, he would get labelled as being an asshole. Don’t we get cranky if we haven’t had one good night’s sleep? Imagine a lifetime of it!
Depression
Some people have commented that with depression, all it takes is people to just snap out of it! I have come to understand, this is a huge issue, and that medication is the only way for some people not all. I am not a Doctor and it is only my observation.
A few years ago one of my Site Supervisors had a breakdown at the beginning of a job. I had to take over. I never told the client or the Architect what was going on, I didn’t want to have him labelled. He couldn’t even talk on the phone, and his wife had to tell me the news. It took him around six weeks to get his medication right, I wanted him to come back to work as soon as possible, for his own sake.
It took him a little while to get back into it. His Carpentry skills are first class, his knowledge is unbelievable. Yes: I could have sacked him, and gotten another guy in to replace his job, I was told that by many. How would you feel knowing you have so much to offer, and because of one setback, you are put out to pasture?
Emotional Blackmail
There are forms of emotional blackmail that occur when a person doing it to someone clearly needs help and refuses to do anything about it. Only to create so much strife. A friend’s daughter last year suffered emotional blackmail from a girl who always threatened to kill herself, if her daughter didn’t go and see her or do what she wanted. Her daughter suffered from rashes and other illnesses due to the stress she was receiving from this other person. Finally she broke away from her. She had to understand that if this other person did commit suicide. It had nothing to do with her. It sounds so harsh I know. The angst and the worry was all too much for her. There are so many other forms of emotional blackmail.
I can only express what I have been exposed to. There is professional help out there. Mates in Construction are not in Melbourne. The company in Melbourne for Building workers is Incolink. Here’s the link: https://tinyurl.com/ybhmxj4m please understand there is help out there. Yes; it’s bloody tough and it feels like your whole insides are being ripped apart at times and you feel isolated. Please understand: People do give a shit about you and you do matter! I have never worked in any other Industry; I can only imagine that this is something that occurs in other Industries.
Please speak out. I know it’s hard and I’ve learnt to speak out these days as I know there are wonderful people out there willing to help. All I know is from my experiences. The moment I asked for help. My life has turned around for the better.
Here’s a link to the article: Mates in Construction CEO Jorgen Gullestru https://tinyurl.com/y9j5ltyb
Joe Vitale says: “On the other side of fear there is freedom”
Take Care
Michael Malacos
michael@michaelmalacos.com