How To Use the Stoic Dichotomy of Control To Reduce Your Stress
There are things we can control and things we cannot control.
This simple but powerful lesson is called the Dichotomy of Control and it is the heart of Stoicism. It can help us eliminate a great deal of stress from our lives.
At face value, it seems overly simplistic. I mean, it’s obvious that there are things that we cannot control. What’s the big deal?
But, if you are honest with yourself, when you look back on your life, how much time have you spent getting upset over things you couldn’t control?
Have you ever gotten upset over:
- Traffic
- Politics
- The past
- The weather
- The actions of other people
- Other people’s opinions of you
My guess is that you have. We all have.
What do all these things have in common? They are what the Stoics call externals. They are outside of us and outside of our control.
In the end, we cannot control externals. But we can control something even more powerful…our internal response to the external events.
The better we are able to identify the things that are not under our direct control, and not waste valuable time in our lives worrying about them, the happier we will be.
Upset that there is a lot of traffic on your way to work? Why? There is absolutely nothing you can do about it and any time you spend feeling bad about it is wasted.
Instead, keep your focus on what you can control: your mindset, your thoughts, your actions. Take control of your response to the traffic. Call a loved one. Listen to a podcast or audiobook. Use the time to be present and mediate.
Here is a simple exercise that uses the Dichotomy of Control to help you reduce your stress.
It’s called The Stoic Rating System.
Whenever you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, get out a piece of paper and a pen. Write down everything that is bothering you. Don’t hold back. Get it all down. Just the act of getting it out of your head and on to paper will help relieve some stress.
Ok. Next to each item, put a number 1 to 5.
1 means you have absolutely no control over it. 5 means you have total control over it. 2- 4 means you have some degree of control over it (you can influence it).
Anything with a 1 next to it — Scratch it off the list. Symbolically give yourself permission to Accept it and let it go.
Anything with a 2–4 next to it — Write the next Action you can take to improve the situation.
Anything with a 5 next to — Write the next action you can take and Prioritize it.
Now we know what our Priority is. We have Action steps for everything we have some degree of control over. And we will Accept what we have no control over.
Here is an example of what it might look like. In this case we will Accept the rainy weather (we can’t control it). We will Prioritize the project we are late on (we have total control over it). And we have Action steps for the other things we have some control over.
The less time you spend worrying about things that are not under your control, the happier your life will be.
The Dichotomy of Control can help you easily determine what to accept and what to act on.
