Refuting Pizzagate: The Conspiracy that Wasn’t

This link was sent my way after a contentious Twitter exchange between me and Greg Carlwood of The Higherside Chats. As a writer and fan of esoterica, conspiracies, and fortean subjects, it’s a podcast I enjoy, even when I don’t agree with the content being discussed. When asked for the best proof of malfeasance in the sordid realm of what has become known as “pizzagate,” Greg provided me with the list as the definitive and most damning evidence. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

But a couple of critical comments before I address the information.

First, there is a bedrock principle in U.S. law that people are considered innocent until they are proven guilty in a court of law. I hope you agree with that, because if you ever wind up being falsely hounded and harassed by an internet mob, I would hope you would receive a fair hearing before being accused of a crime—especially one as hideous and abhorrent as pedophilia.

Secondly, the weight of evidence required must convince a jury beyond a reasonable doubt for someone to be convicted of a crime. The internet is not a jury, nor is it a judge. You, despite your best intentions, are not a prosecutor, jury member, or law enforcement investigator.

You are a person on the Internet.

Also, if you haven’t done so before, look up the history of moral panics and witch hunts. Innocent people were sent to jail for two decades thanks to the hysterical outbreaks of unsubstantiated panic about satanic daycare centers in the 1980s.

Now to the so-called “pizzagate” accusations, by number and directly from the website, followed by my replies.

  1. First, I would like to mention that there seems to be quite a few cases where criminal networks exist and provide access to children for the purposes of sexual exploitation and child pornography to elite clientele in the political and business worlds. Many people mysteriously die, such as those involved in the Franklin Credit union case . It’s an exhaustive list so I’ll let you go down the rabbit hole here. So it’s good to be aware when considering the absurdity of these out-there claims.

My reply:

Provided the referenced cases are legitimate, it only substantiates that those cases happened. It is a logical fallacy to assume the existence of pedophile networks has any bearing on the alleged pizzagate. Zero. None whatsoever. Just because something exists or has existed does not mean any claim of similar activity should be given more legitimacy. That should be plainly obvious, but unfortunately, many of the accusations and “evidence” are plainly nonsense and completely unrelated to the restaurants and individuals in question.

2. There was actually a full 1994 Discovery Channel DocumentaryYouTube that covered pedophilia rampant in our government, but it was banned and never aired.

My reply:

See above. Another logical fallacy. This has no bearing on Comet Pizza or any of the other accused businesses. Next.

3. The largest pedophile ring had been exposed (covered by nbc news) coincidentally after Anthony weiner’s laptop was taken.

My reply:

Connection to Comet Pizza? None. The actual news story linked to NBC mentions nothing about Weiner or his laptop. The TruthKings website speculates it is linked to Weiner’s laptop based on zero evidence. The site is also clearly a source of pro-Trump, anti-Democrat stories, as well as climate denial and anti-vaccination articles. Zero relevance to pizzagate.

4. And another pedophile ring exposed in Norway.

My reply:

See 1 and 2.

5. The Belgium pedophile/sex scandal.

My reply:

See 1 and 2.

6. And the older Savile pedophilia scandal in the UK.

My reply:

See 1 and 2.

7. Let us not forget about the American Financier/Co-founder of the Clinton Foundation and sex offender/pedophile, Jeffrey Epstein , his good relationship with Bill Clinton , along with various other high ups in the government and his Lolita express which he used to fly people to his private island home for pedophilia related vacation trips.

My reply:

Clinton’s ties to Epstein and his numerous flights about the “Lolita Express” are well-known. But what’s oddly missing here? Donald Trump’s friendship with Epstein. In particular:

Excerpt:

To the extent that Trump’s representatives have been asked about his ties to Epstein, they’ve tried to downplay the two billionaires’ relationship.
Last January, Trump attorney Alan Garten told Vice News that his client had “no relationship” with Epstein.
In a statement to The Daily Caller on Sunday, Trump campaign spokeswoman Hope Hicks said that “Mr. Trump only knows [Epstein] socially through the Mar-a-Lago Club, one of the finest private clubs in the world.”
But Trump talked up his friendship with Epstein before the latter’s arrest and public fall from grace.
“I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy,” Trump told New York Magazinefor a 2002 profile of Epstein. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.”
Similarly, a 2003 Vanity Fair profile of Epstein named Trump as one of the “businessmen who dine with him at his home,” and several other articles have pegged Trump and Epstein as friends.
But when FBI investigators looked through Epstein’s private address book, they found 14 different phone numbers for Trump, including numbers for his security guard and houseman. Epstein also had numbers for Trump’s daughter Ivanka and his ex-wife Ivana.
When put under oath, Epstein admitted that he had “socialized” with Trump. But Epstein chose to exercise his Fifth Amendment rights when asked: “Have you ever socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18?” Epstein similarly pleaded the fifth when asked about his relationship to Bill Clinton.
Trump rode on Jeffrey Epstein’s private plane at least once, according to the deposition of Mark Epstein, Jeffrey’s brother. That number pales, however, to Bill’s 26 trips on the “Lolita Express.”
In June, Trump was accused in a lawsuit of raping one of Epstein’s 13-year-old sex workers. Trump’s attorney has called the lawsuit a “publicity stunt.” The case is scheduled for a hearing in mid-December, after the election.
A week later, The Daily Beast ran a story titled “The Billionaire Pedophile Who Could Bring Down Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton.”
A month after the lawsuit surfaced, the Huffington Post ran an opinion article titled “Why The New Child Rape Case Filed Against Donald Trump Should Not Be Ignored.”
That article, however, focused more on Trump’s past behavior with women, largely ignoring his friendship with Epstein. The author of the story, NBC legal analyst Lisa Bloom, left out altogether Clinton’s ties to Epstein.

Now, might you find it interesting that this alleged pizzagate scandal, focusing on Hillary Clinton, ends up obscuring what might be a very important story involving Donald Trump as well as Bill Clinton? Might not supporters of Trump, who are the source of many of the pizzagate accusations (in The_Donald subreddit), want you to focus elsewhere? Nah…. that would be conspiracy theory, right?

8. A woman named Laura Silsby was caught trafficking children in Haiti, and Hillary was sent emails regarding her updates. Laura Silsby was let off the hook by a Clinton appointed convicted sex trafficker. She is now an associate to the amber alert system involved in finding missing children. A woman who was investigating these ties to the Clinton Foundation was just found dead recently. MT.

My reply:

The Silsby story is disturbing. The links to Clinton, however, are tenuous from what I have seen, and not indicative of any close relationship. Remember that if a website says “Hillary is tied to Person X” that doesn’t mean they know each other, or are friends, or have any direct associations. Do your own homework. I’ll be happy to amend if anyone can show documentation otherwise. But again — Connection to Comet Pizza? None.

9. Frank Giustra owner of Radcliff Foundation is a big donor to and board of directors for the Clinton Foundation. Elpida, which is a branch of the Radcliff foundation happens to have what looks like a blatant pedophile symbolJPG in their logo.JPG

My reply:

This is the Elpida logo on the Facebook page.

Not the triangular pedophile symbol alleged at the link. Hmmm. Might someone have doctored that logo and added the pedophile symbol? Why would someone do that, I wonder? So go ahead, detectives — find the original logo with the pedophile symbol on it. Or admit this is actually another falsehood.

10. John Podesta is good friends with known and admitted pedophiliacs such as Dennis Hastert, Podesta recieved an email saying it’s time for Hastert to vanish to an undisclosed Japanese island after the news broke.

Lots of people knew Dennis Hastert. Podesta’s email says this: “I have stayed in touch with denny Hastert and jan ettelt and andy dolan all these years”

“Stayed in touch.” He went to college with Hastert. I wouldn’t stay in touch with a convicted pedophile, but nonetheless, all this indicates is that the two communicated. To assume this means Podesta himself is a pedophile is guilt by association. Link to Comet Pizza? None.

The email that was forwarded to Podesta from a friend is an excerpt from a Politico article about indictments against Hastert for illicit cash transfers — not pedophilia at all, as implied. These little details are very important, and as the misleading assertions add up, please take note.

11. John Podesta likes artwork portraying cannibalism, this one is in his officeImgur Album. John Podesta’s brother, Tony Podesta’s affinity for provacative art which includes Arch of Hysteria which represents pain and resembles Jeffery Dahmer.

My reply:

It’s a painting. Not gory, not explicitly, and metaphorically an apt description of Washington. But really — so what? It’s a piece of art from his brother. Do you really think owning a piece of art like this suggests either brother is a fan of actual cannibalism? Relevance to anything — zero.

The Arch of Hysteria is described in detail by the artist, but Pizzagate theorists say it resembles the body of one of Jeffrey Dahmer’s victims. Because they say so. I’d trust the artist:

Stemming from her interest in the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of pain and fear, Bourgeois was drawn to the arch of hysteria as theorized and represented by the nineteenth-century neurologist Jean Martin Charcot (1825–1893). While working at the Salpêtrière Hospital in Paris, Charcot sought to represent hysteria by documenting the performances of his female patients. The physical tension of the hysterical arch — an intense muscular contraction, resulting in immobility and paralysis of the limbs — is emblematic of an equally extreme emotional state. Bourgeois makes this highly vulnerable position even more so by suspending her male figure from the ceiling. In choosing to represent him in an attitude traditionally associated with the female, the artist transgresses the social and sexual roles assigned to women, challenging the misconception of hysteria as a female malady.

This is from the linked Washington Post article:

Not always. Folks attending a house tour in the Lake Barcroft neighborhood in Falls Church earlier this year got an eyeful when they walked into a bedroom at the Podesta residence hung with multiple color pictures by Katy Grannan, a photographer known for documentary-style pictures of naked teenagers in their parents’ suburban homes.
“They were horrified,” Heather recalls, a grin spreading across her face.

This painting is admittedly disturbing: http://archive.is/xyW2L

It is by artist Biljana Djurdjevic. However, there is no indication this particular painting is owned by the Podestas (again, let me know if I am in error). Biljana also has lots of other paintings that don’t feature children or are suggestive of abuse. Go look at them.

It’s clear Tony Podesta likes shocking art. Art I would not hang in my house. But shocking, perverse, or creepy art does not make the artist or the owner creepy or perverse. I write horror novels in which horrible, grotesque things happen to good people, including, on occasion, children. Yet I am a peacenik who doesn’t even eat mammals because of my commitment to nonviolence. Relevance to pizzagate? Zero.

12. References to Moloch ( the god of Children Sacrifices) and sacrifices of chickens were found in the Wikileak emails of the DNC staff to Hillary. Not surprising as Bill Clinton wrote how he was fascinated with voodoo magic in his book and that Hillary Clinton wrote her thesis on her hero, Saul Alinsky’s, book in which he has an acknowledgement for satan.

My reply:

Here’s the Moloch statement:

UNCLASSIFIED U.S. Department of State Case No. F-2014–20439 Doc No. C05764911 Date: 07/31/2015 With fingers crossed, the old rabbit’s foot out of the box in the attic, I will be sacrificing a chicken in the backyard to Moloch . . .

If you think that’s sinister, I think you need to understand the word “joke.”

Voodoo is a religion, more is appropriately known as Voudon. If you want to insult the religion of a large number of the world’s people because you don’t have the barest understanding of it aside form what you’ve seen in exploitative movies, I suggest you get some good books or view some of Maya Deren’s films on the subject. This is about as dumb as pizzagate gets. Well, maybe not. It gets even stupider.

Lest we forget at least an over-the-shoulder acknowledgment to the very first radical: from all our legends, mythology, and history (and who is to know where mythology leaves off and history begins — or which is which), the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom — Lucifer. — SAUL ALINSKY

Read some history and literature if you think this is suggestive of Satanism. Lucifer is a character in Milton’s Paradise Lost as well as mentioned in the Bible as a light-bringer. But, “OMG Hillary is a Satanist!”

13. Marina Abramovic is a must mention along with her spiritcookingYouTube which is satanic in nature involving blood, semen, & breast milk and John Podesta’s invite via email. Marina stated on an AMA that in private dinners, it’s NOT art.

My reply:

Let me explain something, pizzagaters — art can be weird. Some artists enjoy disturbing people, titillating them, or freaking them out. There is a long history of it and you can discover it rather easily once you stop hyperventilating. Here’s a famous painting that is NOT on display at Comet Pizza:

Peter Paul Rubens, “Saturn, Jupiter’s father, devours one of his sons,” 1636–1638

Tony Podesta clearly likes disturbing art. SO FUCKING WHAT. Do you ever watch horror movies? I do. I’ve seen far more disturbing imagery in The Walking Dead.

And so she calls her performance art in private homes “occult magic.” Please untwist your panties before we proceed. Here’s the thing — lots of people practice occult magic and aren’t cannibals, pedophiles, or murderers. Occultism, despite what you might hear on late-night Christian radio, is not Satanism. You can go to your nearest new age bookstore and read some books about it, or read what occultists write online. Don’t like it? That’s okay. We live in a free country. People are allowed to do weird things as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else. You do not need to enjoy it or even approve of it, and maybe it scares you. Many people don’t like my books because they are about scary supernatural stuff. I’m okay with that. But they’d better not tell me I can’t write about scary, weird, disturbing things. Because, you know, that pesky First Amendment. And anyone who accuses me of hurting other people, animals, or children had better not say it to my face. I’m a pacifist, but only to a point.

In summary, there is ZERO evidence Abramovic or the Podestas have ever hurt anyone, particularly a child. Liking weird, decadent, or creepy art is not a crime, or even an indicator of a criminal personality.

14. Marina Abromovic is often seen with many Hollywood actors, including Pamela Anderson, Will Farrell, Nicole Richi, Kirsten Dunst, and many many others as they enjoy their spirit cooking dinner cannibalizing a naked human shapedcake .

My reply:

See above. Put your crucifix back on the wall—the Devil is not going to steal your soul. Abramovic is an artist who likes to freak people out. Examine your reaction to her art. Was she successful? Bingo!

I recall a haunted house at my elementary school. One of my neighbors was always a mad doctor, and in his scene he operated on his oldest child. He used animal guts from a butcher. I thought that was cool, as did my friends, and no one ever suggested he was a CANNIBAL SATANIST PEDOPHILE because of his grotesque display.

15. Interesting that pedophilia seems to be commonly known by celebrities who speak out, such as Corey FeldmanYouTube and Elija Wood.

My reply:

What, exactly, does this have to do with pizzagate? Nothing? Exactly! Are you detecting the style of illogical connect-the-dots being played yet? “Well, pedophiles are common in Hollywood, and these elite stars are all eating a cake that looks like a human body, therefore John Podesta and Hillary are running a child sex ritual cult out of a pizza restaurant.” Nailed it!

16. References to pedophilia via known pedo codePNG like cheese pizza in the Podesta emails, such as the handkerchief pizza/map being left behind. Handkerchiefs are used as code for sexual preferences, and victims of pedophilia express that it’s collected as a souvenir after being placed under the victimJPG. Other code words found in the emails like: playing dominos on cheese or pasta? and an email titled “Pizza.jpg” where the message is “doesn’t get any better than this” with an attachment of a little girl eating pizza with two femalesJPG who happen to be women captured investigating human trafficking in NK; Euna Lee and Laura Ling.YouTube

My (sorry) lengthy reply:

Okay, reference image number one isn’t linked, so I have no way to find out where it came from. But let’s assume it is legitimate code by pedophiles selling child porn online. People frequently use innocent words as codes, absolutely. Those codes often use common items because THAT IS HOW YOU HIDE THAT YOU’RE USING A CODE. I had friend in high school who used “pizza” as code for pot, in fact. If a group of pedophiles used pizza as a code that is not surprising, but it does not mean ANY USE OF PIZZA AS A CODE MEANS PEDOPHILE TALK. Let that sink in to your fevered brain. Urban Dictionary has other meanings for “cheese pizza,” too, and they are disgusting.

And you know what some of the handkerchief/pizza/pillow talk sounds like to me? Drugs. Think about it — marijuana is now legal in DC, but if you’re a politician and in the public eye, you don’t want to known as someone who partakes, for obvious reasons.

What makes the most logical sense here — that Podesta and his friends would talk in code about pot (or blow, or whatever) or talk in code about their extremely illegal criminal pedophile activity that could get them thrown into prison for life?

The fact that people talk or write in codes shows that they realize THEY MIGHT BE HEARD. Would a realtor and a woman from a foundation email John Podesta, even in code, about pedophile activity? Do you really think these people are that stupid? However, might they email about a bag of weed left behind at a party in code? Absolutely. Because if someone read their email and figured it out, it’s not something that will put them in jail for the rest of their lives and expose their alleged SATANIC PEDOPHILE RING.

And tell me this is really anything but an ordinary email:

> I think you should give notice when changing strategies which have been > long in place. I immediately realized something was different by the shape > of the box and I contemplated who would be sending me something in the > square shaped box. Lo and behold, instead of pasta and wonderful sauces, it > was a lovely, tempting assortment of cheeses, Yummy. I am awaiting the > return of my children and grandchildren from their holiday travels so that > we can demolish them.

Oh my God, who sends boxes of assorted foods at Christmas? SATANISTS! Note it was Herb Sandler, not Podesta, who wrote the dominos text. Do I know what that means? Nope. But nor am I screaming “Pedophile code!” at the top of my ignorant lungs just because I can.

Handkerchief code, in fact, uses black and white checkered hankies to indicate safe sex tops or bottoms (i.e. mutual masturbation), not children. Go look for yourself — the only place you’ll find that assertion that it means sex with children is on pizzagate material. Detecting a pattern here?

As for the jpeg emailed:

From:Justin@presidentclinton.com To:doug@presidentclinton.com, bandr@comcast.net, AbedinH@state.gov, john.podesta@gmail.com, podesta@ici.org, zschwartz@shangrila.us more sean.gallagher@usss.dhs.gov Date: 2009–08–08 00:21 Subject: Re: pizza.jpg

Oh my God — a photo of a WOMAN EATING PIZZA WITH HER KIDS! SATANIC! PEDOPHILES! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

But wait, OMG, it’s Laura Ling, who somehow, because she investigated human trafficking in her career as a journalist, must be IN ON THE CULT!

Ling’s career as a journalist began when she became a correspondent for KCET’s SoCal Connected and producer at Channel One News.[14] She co-created Breaking it Down, a documentary series on MTV that aired between 1999 and 2001.[15][16] Afterward, Ling joined Current TV, where she reported on issues about Cuba, Indonesia, the Philippines, Turkey, the West Bank, and the Amazon River, as well as about shantytowns in Sao Paulo, Brazil, gangs and homeless teens in Los Angeles, and underground churches in China. Prior to her detention, she had been reporting about the Mexican Drug War.[14][17]

Wake up, Sheeple, and smell the human pizza! Can’t you see what’s right in front of your face?

And wait — it gets crazier!

> Chris Douglas wrote:
> Headcount!
> Who all is in the Austin office today who is going to want pizza? We
> only have one slice and we need to know how thinly to slice it…
> Simply send a single response, filed, color-coded, double-sided and
> appropriately labeled, signed in triplicate and set on fire.

I’m sure you can see, these people pretend to be joking, but my god, if you can’t see that is obviously PEDOPHILE CODE you must be brainwashed by MSM journalists!

17. Email from Tam Luzzatto saying how children of 11, 9, and 7 will be in the pool for further entertainment.. Her blog allows people to pay money to watch children on camera.

My reply:

Okay, only if you are a sick person LOOKING to find pedophiliac content would you assume this is anything other than an ordinary email among friends.

>> With enormous gratitude to Advance Man Extraordinaire Haber, I am popping >> up again to share our excitement about the Reprise of Our Gang’s visit to >> the farm in Lovettsville. And I thought I’d share a couple more notes: >> We plan to heat the pool, so a swim is a possibility. Bonnie will be >> Uber Service to transport Ruby, Emerson, and Maeve Luzzatto (11, 9, and >> almost 7) so you’ll have some further entertainment, and they will be in >> that pool for sure. And with the forecast showing prospects of some sun, >> and a cooler temp of lower 60s, I suggest you bring sweaters of whatever >> attire will enable us to use our outdoor table with a pergola overhead so >> we dine al fresco (and ideally not al-CHILLo).

Please, go read the whole email. These are the PARENTS of the kids having this discussion. Are you feeling a little sick about the pizzagate rumor mongers yet? I sure hope so.

And this:

http://archive.is/y4qDA

Oh, wow, so a proud mother who posts photos and videos of her kids online is a PEDOPHILE SATANIST. Are you fucking serious? What kind of asshole 1. smears a human being like that and 2. spreads pictures of her and her kids online as a pedohpile cultist and her victims? Seriously? You are telling me this is evidence of anything? Then please admit YOU are the sick fuck here.

18. http://www.thelastamericanvagabond.com/top-news/podesta-brothers-revealed/

My reply:

This is just too fucking stupid to address. Do you know how many men could fit those police illustrations?

19. Andrew BreitbartYouTube seemed to think the Podestas were involved in sex trafficking back in 2011 when he tweeted about it before he died. The tweet is most likely in response the the ACORN scandal where Planned parenthood was found to be aiding in underage prostitution as found by an undercover investigator recordingYouTube. Podesta was conveniently appointed to investigate the scandal.

God, my head hurts. Please see this link:

http://countercurrentnews.com/2016/11/pizzagate-conspiracy-theory-debunked/

It was O’Keefe (a known dissembler) who brought up a bogus prostitution ring in an attempt to entrap ACORN employees. And what does Podesta investigating O’Keefe have to do with pedophiles and pizza? If you guess “nothing,” you’re starting to see the light.

20. David BrockPNG, the Chief of Media Matters , is in a relationship with James AlefantisJPG, deemed one of the 50 top powerful people of Washington D.C. He also owns a place called Comet Ping Pong.

My reply:

OMG, powerful gay people? In Washington DC? What is this, the 21st century? PEDOPHILE SATAN CULT!

21. Comet Ping Pong in DC is not surprisingly is found in the Podesta emails. It is a restaurant that several high officials are tied with including HillaryJPG, along with a couple other restaurants nearby with possible connections and galleries where Hillary is seenPNG and that billionaire George Soros along with others donated over $20k to Comet Pizza.

My reply:

DOUBLE OMG, Comet Pizza is not mentioned in Podesta’s emails! HE IS HIDING HOW MUCH HE LOVES THEIR SATANIC PIZZA!

Hey, numbnuts — DC people like to eat at restaurants, just like you do. Even bigwig satanists like Killary Klinton get hungry for something other than child flesh sometimes, right? And foundations and other organizations hold events and use restaurants to cater their blood-drenched orgies . . . I mean, fundraising events. George Soros didn’t give money to Comet Pizza, however — one of the many organizations FUNDED BY Soros paid to have an event.

Wow. Damning, isn’t it? Not to mention, no matter what you think of Soros, what the fuck does any of that have to do with SATANIC CANNIBAL PEDOPHILES?

22. WaPo reported that sex slavery is a big problem in D.C.

Sex slavery is a problem everywhere. Next.

23. Another worthy email from the Podesta leaks saying “do not forward” where it had Hillary’s Logo in the attachment with a pizza slice in it with Comet Ping Pong’s name. Here is the imagePNG

Wow, more absolutely damning something. I think.

24. The family friendly” Restaurant, Comet Ping Pong, is owned by, James AlefantisJPG AKA Jimmy Comet. His instagram has unusual pictures such as a child taped to a ping pong tablePNG, Joking about a kill room, calling a baby a hotardPNG, a baby picture with chicken lover commentPNG, child with money in their mouthPNG , baby doll for sale with comments saying it’s overpricedPNG

About the girl: someone who knows Alefantis emailed me (no, I’m not going to make that person a target by identifying them) that some kids were given a roll of tape to entertain themselves and this is what they did. Seen in that context, not so creepy? Might your own kids have done something similar just goofing around? Or is it SATAN!

Joking about a “kill room”: Looking at that room, I might have made the same joke. It looks like a location for a horror movie because it’s empty and industrial. But no, a PEDOPHILE CANNIBAL CULTIST who rapes and kills and eats kids would JOKE ABOUT IT ON INSTAGRAM.

Someone else mentioned werewolves. That must be some kind of pedophile code, too — right?

The hotard comment: Look at the photo. Go ahead, I’ll wait. You’ll notice that one of Jimmy Comet’s friends calls him a #hotard. Alefantis then jokes back with #hotard. But even if you think that is the two of them calling the little girl a hotard, it would be a very questionable, nasty, and grotesque comment. But even if that’s the case — and I don’t think it is — that is again, not a crime, nor evidence they are committing crimes. It would be a sick joke.

Chicken Lovers: Unknown if this is actually supposed to mean pedophilia, but if it is, yet another joke in exceedingly poor taste. But maybe this is a father and his kid. Again, we don’t know, but to assume this means anyone is committing a crime is a very large leap supported again by… no hard evidence at all.

So maybe, at worst, Alefantis and his friends have questionable senses of humor, to put it mildly. But so do many other people, and you’re not accusing them of being SATANIST PEDOPHILE RINGLEADERS, are you?

Child with Money in Mouth: It’s a fucking photo of a child chewing on money. KIDS CHEW ON SHIT, MORON!

Baby Doll with Sign: Another joke, this one not even in poor taste. It’s a goddam baby doll with a price on it, FFS. And the Linda Tripp comment is kinda funny. Sorta.

Sexy pizza image: OH MY GOD! PEOPLE HAVING SEX ON PIZZA! CALL THE COPS, THIS IS SATANIC PEDOPHILE ART!

As Stephen Colbert said, grow the fuck up.

25. Jimmy Comet also posted a picture on his instagram of Podesta’s Arch of hysteria sculpture on from when he visted his house, a picture of satan, and spiritcooking queen herself (marina abramovic)PNG.

My reply:

As you can read in the comments, the sculpture was also in the National Gallery, apparently another NEXUS OF SATANIC PEDOPHILE CANNIBALS. Probably accessible via the SECRET TUNNELS!

Pictures of Satan: Okay, you brainless idiots, that’s not Satan it’s a fucking SATYR. You may come out from hiding now.

Rubens painted the allegorical female figures, accompanied by a putto or a winged Cupid in Sight, Hearing, Smell and Touch, by a satyr in Taste. Brueghel created the sumptuous settings, which evoke the splendour of the court of Albert VII, Archduke of Austria, and his wife Isabella, governors of the Spanish Netherlands, to which the two artists were attached.[1] (The eroticism of the figures’ near-nudity has been related to ecstasy in luxury.[4])

Photo of Abramovic: OMG! A photo of an artist! Run, hide the children!

26. His instagram profile picture is a sculpture of Antinous, which resembles erotic love for adolescent boys.

My reply:

Are you thinking there might be some homophobia on display here? Antinous is revered by gay men as one of the only homosexual males celebrated in art and literature (Oscar Wilde wrote about in him in his poetry). But if you think gay = pedophile, then go ahead and assume Alefantis is outing himself via his avatar as a criminal. Try running that past a judge in court.

27. I feel it would be only fair to include Jimmy Comet’s defense and explanationYouTube for posting those images on his instagram.

My reply:

Well, aren’t you the epitome of fairness.

Okay. Imagine you are an innocent person (just roll with me here), accused of one of the most heinous crimes. And along rolls some internet “detective” with his video camera to bust you for being a pedophile. Watch the video with that possibility in your mind (if you’re not too amped up on hate), and imagine how you would feel. Pretty shitty, huh? But you’re already convinced he’s a SATANIST PEDOPHILE CANNIBAL WITH SECRET TUNNELS, so that would be crazy.

28. James Alefantis was accused of encouraging rape and murder back in 2008. archive

My reply:

Okay, I was wrong. THIS may be the stupidest accusation of all. Let’s look at the article in question because apparently most of you don’t. Go read it and come back, but here’s the relevant excerpt:

You may remember ANC Commissioner Frank Winstead from his chillingly subtitled youtube video “Ping Pong in Public Space” or his chillingly subtitled youtube video “When UPS Delivers in D.C., Life Suffers.”
Last Tuesday, Winstead staged a live performance at the packed-full ANC meeting held to reassess Comet Ping Pong’s voluntary agreement with the commission. (Marc Fisher, hot on the Winstead beat, has his roundup here. DCist, too). During the course of the meeting, Winstead accused Comet owner James Alefantis of lying, cheating, stealing, spitting in a customers food, and encouraging both murderers and rapists.
“He said rape,” confirms fellow ANC3F commissioner Mital Gandhi. “R-A-P-E. Rape.”
Says Alefantis, “Frank Winstead was completely and totally unprofessional, incredibly rude, and a little wacky. He was yelling and screaming and wagging his finger at everyone.”
But don’t take their word for it: We’ve plucked the highlights of the recording, after the jump!*
* Not caught on tape: “At one point, he mouthed ‘fuck you’ to me,” says Alefantis.
[MEDIA=21] Winstead: James is trying to turn this into Adams Morgan with the murders, the rapes … [Extended booing, punctuated laugher] … the lying, the cheating!

So if you have at least the reading comprehension of a six-year-old, you can see that this is utter nonsense spouted by a lunatic. If you can’t see how “accused of encouraging rape and murder” is misleading as fuck, you need serious help.

29. Comet ping pong using disturbing artwork with paintings of children with their heads cut offJPG. And more Artwork in their restaurant of heads cut off. And in their washroom, they have a painting of a guy playing ping while ejaculating on the table.PNG

My reply:

Here we go again — evil art. The first painting is NOT in the restaurant. It’s by the artist who painted the mural, allegedly. So fucking what? It’s art. Does it scare you? Go hide in your bedroom and snuggle with your stuffed bunny.

Painting of a guy ejaculating in bathroom: That’s fucking GRAFFITI, you IDIOT! Can you tie your shoes without help? Are you really that goddam stupid?

30. Comet Ping pong’s friend for entertainment, Majestic Ape (of Heavy Breathing), which is an artist that has provocative music with artwork that involves both children and sex (words “All the Chidlren” with babies crawling, and a child with a phallic toy in its mouth, joking of pedophilia in captions on their music videos, cartoons of sex artwork). It’s also listed on Comet Pingpong’s friends list.. When giving a talk to her audience about preferences of an employee, someone shouts “children and little boys” in which she responds “I think that was the manager, we all have our preferences, hee hee hee”. (2:30)YouTube

My reply:

Art again, this time from a band that likes to provoke. Evidence of criminal activity? Hmm. I think you might be getting my point by now. I can’t watch the video because it has been removed, but if the quote is accurate, that’s troubling, but again, sick humor is not crime or evidence of crime. I would like to ask the band about the joke. But it’s easier to jump on this as indicative of SATANIC PEDOPHILE CULT.

31. Here is a video where Majestic ape jokes about killing babiesYouTube, it’s also a good 3 minute summary.

My reply:

A provocative band says creepy things? This is performance. But again, please use some basic logic: would a venue that hosts a SATANIC PEDOPHILE CANNIBAL CULT OPERATION hire bands that essentially expose its darkest secret, openly, to a crowd of customers? Oh, I can hear it now: “They’re so well-protected by the Illuminati they don’t care. They flaunt it.”

Keep on believing, you brilliant you.

32. Comet Ping Pong and neighboring restaurantsPNG having a pedophilia symbolJPG in their logos (the triangular spiral in the neighboring Besta PizzaJPG, the butterflyJPG , the heartPNG ).

My reply:

No, Comet Pizza does not have a pedophilia symbol in their logo. if you think it’s a butterfly you need to go get some mental help, pronto. Also, the sign came from a previous BUSINESS — a liquor store:

http://www.metroweekly.com/2015/04/from-scratch-james-alefantis/

I ended up getting the space. At that time, it had been an open restaurant for 32 years, and I was like 31 or something, so that restaurant had been there for longer than I had been alive. This is a lot of responsibility. And then my friend Eric Hirshfield, who used to own Duplex Diner, was like, “I’m going to buy the Comet sign. You’re opening a restaurant, why don’t you take it?” And I thought, I should totally have that sign, and then I’ll have a name.
The Comet sign used to hang next to Cashion’s in Adams Morgan, over a liquor store and deli owned by Sid and his wife Beverly Drazin. They were there for a long time, and people really loved that place and had a lot of nostalgia for it. And they were really part of the community.

The so-called butterfly is TWO PING PONG PADDLES. Please take your meds before continuing.

The heart with two hands? You can find all sorts of variation in a simple clip-art search. In fact, the original logo is FUCKING CLIP ART.

33. A government official, Arun RaoJPG “liking” children pictures on the instagram of comet pizza happens to be involved in convicting pedophiles.

So wait, a guy from the state’s attorney’s office likes photos of kids? SATANIC PEDOPHILE CULTIST!

Are you really that stupid? I hope not by now, if you’ve actually read all of this.

34. A noteworthy case is Ricky Dearman’s Children talking about their papa cutting babies heads off and drinking blood for satanic rituals in a UK pedophilia scandalYouTube. Official claimsYouTube. Medical records showed signs of abuse.. He denied doing what his children said,YouTube but it is of note that he made promotional videos for his Haiti orphanage enterprises.YouTube And that he also might have connections to scandals found here

My reply:

Well, let’s say it’s a given that this is all true (and I’m not certain it is, but let’s roll with it). What does this have to do with pizzagate?

“Most notably regarding #Pizzagate there was a link to a McDonalds restaurant, a Starbucks coffee shop and a Pizza Express. The children disclosed that employees at these three places were involved in child abuse and ritual sacrifice taking place inside these businesses.”

Oh, okay. That’s damning! CONVICT ALEFANTIS NOW!

I’m going to end by lumping all of these together:

35. All of this taken together, it’s probably a good idea to revisit some really old claims, once deemed ridiculous, by those who claimed they knew it was going on or were victims of this. Like this old claim of a retired FBI head in saying that children are flown to the White House for secret pedophile sex parties (time stamp 13:30)YouTube and that the suspicious email regarding $65,000 of tax payers money spent on flying “hot dogs” for a private party at the white house just may in fact not be hot dogs being flown.

36. Or Like this woman on Oprah who claims her family took part in human sacrifice ritualsYouTube. Or this girl discussing the elite occult’s ritualsYouTube

37. And even the one that spoke out long ago regarding being a sex slave for the elite as an MK ultra victim.YouTube

38. MK Ultra by the way, turns out to be real and was declassified by the CIA.

39. Interesting that as this is becoming more mainstream and blowing up, pedophilia is being pushed as normal as by the psychological association.

40. And also interesting is how a twitter user was able to find a massive porno ring within twitter and when they and other whistleblowers tried bringing attention to it to get it shut down, they were banned while the pedo ring remained. Not soon after, pizzagate investigations on reddit were shut down as they banned the pizzagate sub.

My reply:

None of those links—not one, as in zero, as in nil—have any link to what you call “pizzagate.” You’re taking a whole lot of theories (some legit, as in MKULTRA), some bonkers.

Zero. Connection. Nothing. Nada. Just because a particular sort of conspiracy or criminal network exists somewhere, that does not allow you to use it to insist a bunch of other people are doing the same thing.

FINALLY.

And kudos if you suffered through this whole thing. It was a nightmare to write, trust me, so I feel your pain.

tl;dr: The entire case against the individuals and people accused of being part of a child-trafficking, satanic pedophile network is built upon analysis of Instagram comments, interpretations of edgy modern art, and a big, steaming pile of lies.

If you still are convinced, after reading this with a hopefully open mind, that the accused are part of a Satanic pedophile operation tied to Hillary Clinton and other elites, let me ask you this:

If you are wrong, will you apologize? (Because I will).

Will you admit your guilt in plastering photos of adults and their children across the internet? How would you feel if someone did that to you and your children?

Do you know where this faux-scandal originated? Which politician has the most to gain from spreading these rumors? Cui bono?

Having slandered innocent human beings as perpetrators of some of the most hideous crimes imaginable, will you be more cautious in the future before stoking the fires of vigilante persecutions and online witch hunts?

One last final question, this one dealing with basic logic.

How could someone run a popular restaurant (or restaurants) in the heart of Washington, DC, that serves as the hub of a satanic pedophile ring, and not have ANY OF HIS 40+ EMPLOYEES notice anything out of the ordinary? Because if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, you know the staff loves to talk about one thing—the boss. The management.

They are in the restaurant the entire time it is open, likely at times when the owner isn’t even around.

Are you telling me that in its years of existence, NO ONE, not even an employee with a grudge, noticed unaccompanied, distressed minors, secret tunnels, hidden rooms, or any other sign of something amiss?

In our present surveillance state, do you believe all the cameras in that vicinity never caught children being led inside and not coming out or other obvious weirdness?

Answer that honestly.

And if you still believe, I hope—I really do—that you admit you might be wrong.