“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”
~ C.S. Lewis ~
This hits the nail on the head. Too many times we expect love to always be feeling. Love can and will be a feeling at times. However love will not always resemble the affectionate cuddling idea. As much as you love your spouse you may not always like them. This however does not mean you don’t love them anymore. Feelings when left to make decisions will many times get you into trouble. Making decisions based solely on feelings is never good. That’s also how many Americans get into debt. But that’s a discussion for another blog. Feelings come and go and are affected by so many influences. Your spouse may do something that really hurts you or gets under your skin and you become angry. This doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse. It just means you may not like them at the moment. Once we learn to differentiate this there will be more successful marriages. In today’s age the going gets tuff and most people bail out. They use the phrase I’m not in love with them anymore. But see that’s where they are using feelings to make decisions. The truth is you don’t like them but love is a greater thing. It is not an emotion but it is a commitment and a bond made between two individuals. This bond if understood and made under the right pretense cannot be broken.
Several years into my marriage after having one child, Shelly and I found ourselves emotionally drained. We had tried for 5 years to have children and the odds were not looking good. Then one day after we had stopped trying and handed it over to God, boom she was pregnant! But we still were emotionally drained. We had been under all kinds of testing and shots and do this and do that. So once we did get the news although it was soooo exciting we had just stepped off an emotional roller coaster. My wife pulled inward and I looked outward. We were walking together but along two different roads. I hadn’t been continually meeting her needs and she wasn’t meeting mine. (And no im not solely referring to sexual needs) I hadn’t yet learned that in order to get you have to give. I felt like if she wasn’t going to meet me where I needed to be then I would find my happiness elsewhere. (You notice I used a key term happiness ) We will come back to that. So I looked for anything or anyone to make me happy. And before long I found myself in bad situations. I had sold myself to the devil. And after years of this I woke up one day (the day God used the big hammer, to hit me over the head with) and thought what am I doing? I have a beautiful wife and son at home that need me and I am in another state working. Why? All because I wasn’t happy! Well guess what. God never promised us happy. He promised us JOY. Joy like love isn’t based on emotions. Is based on a bond, a commitment. So to sum it all up I came back home and took the steps to repair my marriage. Why? Was it my fault? Guess what it doesn’t matter whose fault. It’s not a blame game it’s a marriage. It’s a bond! I made a commitment to stay with my wife through good and bad, sickness and health and by God and only with Him I was going to honor that commitment. And the best part of this story is after talking with Shelly and telling her I was sorry the first words out of her mouth were I forgive you! I love you! And we embraced and moved forward. Now can I tell you it’s been a bed of roses since then, no. Remember that daily we fight a battle. A battle not waged with weapons, but a battle against the devil a battle against sin. So no it has been up and it has been down. But we love each other more today than when we met. And we try each day to get better.
So I share all this with you to show you that just because your marriage doesn’t look picture perfect doesn’t mean it’s time to move on. It means it’s time to get on your knees and pray! Pray for God to heal your marriage. Remember love is not solely an emotion. It is a commitment. It does require work on both of you and I do promise if you work at it, it will get better.
So I encourage you whatever the status of your marriage to pray. Pray that God meets you in the middle. Pray that God gives you strength and always remember that Love is a bond!
God bless you,
Mike Pickerill