I could almost hear the angles speaking when your internal voice was speaking. Not.
First of all let’s start her: the article should be “What I don’t say” because it is decidedly not about most men/most women. Your title makes it just another ‘women great man suck’ viewpoint (selfish abusive self absorbed husband and nurturing supportive woman who is dealing with a harsh reality men can’t even imagine) presented as fact. It is tiresome.
Let’s move on to your internal conversation since it more revealing than anything:
Your gender insists men need to learn to just listen and hear you when you discuss your problems and feelings. Yet your entire internal monologue is about you.
Him: I’m upset and hurt and angry
You: Darn I thought we could go out for dinner
Him: Work sucks, I’m going to have to work 80 hour weeks!
You: Wandering off on thoughts about your own problems at work not a single thought about what he said about himself.
[I’m betting if the convo was “You: My boss touched my knee Him: I wonder if should tell her I’m worried I’m too old for my job since they hired someone half my age” he’d be the jerk. again]
Him: I’m scared and tired
You: I look bad too. Maybe I’ll get a facial
Him: I’m worried about my job security and worse if I can even get hired because I’m getting too old and can’t compete
You: I wish we could go out to dinner. But I don’t want to get fat. Mayybe I’ll make the kids spaghetti. But [forgetting he started the conversation about his upcoming 80 hour weeks] I won’t have time for that.
Him: We can’t afford diinner. I’m worried about money and being able to support you.
You: I don’t care about money [ri-ght, I’m one of those women who didn’t choose my mate based largely on their ability to provide for me, all I care about his him and our love. ri-ght]. He can get a new job [forgetting he just told you he thinks that might be quite difficult at least he believes so] and one that perfectly balances being able to support us AND have bunches of time for me. I’ll itemize e challenges and expectations women have that I’m internalizing while he tells me about his fears based on the challenges and expectations men have which I pretend don’t exist.
Him: Now you’re upset. This wasn’t about you.
You: Man he noticed that all I cared about was how this all affects me and didn’t really listen to a word he said about how it affects him. Now I’m really upset and I want to cry even though he’s the one who needs to be listened to and comforted. But, sigh, he’ll get angry if I turn the fact that I didn’t really listen to him except for how it affects me into being about me and that also makes me sad. I want to walk away from his pain so I can go cry.
Him: Why do you have to get so upset for your SELF when I’m telling you about my day/life/challenges/worries/concerns?
You: I’m even more upset that he is upset that I’m upset about myself and not him when he was talking about himself.
Him: I just wish you understood how hard things are for me right now.