I get the core perspective and agree with it. Let’s start here; not every one has to “earn” your respect, some people are given respect out right based on their position or relationship to you and can only lose your respect. A judge comes to mind. He doesn’t earn your respect you owe it to him for a number of reasons; s/he is in a position of power recognized by society/the state; s/he can make decisions for you that you must abide by; finally s/he is someone whose position demands that respect from you if you are part of that society.
I believe in fact children DO respect parents who say “because I said so”. My sister used to tell me “don’t tell my kids that explain it to them”. So I tried it and it basically becomes a battle of wills since I’m put in the position of providing a reason THEY accept and they don’t want to accept a reason they want a yes. Because they said so. So I went back to “because I said so” and they respected it because there was no negotiation and because we were NOT equals. They are great, smart, rational observant human being who deserved my respect and recognition yet in the context of that household we were not equals. And it is a great lesson to learn.
I’ve seen other children (in my family even) who are treated as “equals” and it. does. not. work. 1 or 2 people in the household have taken the necessary steps over decades to make themselves self-sufficient and to provide both a life and then sustenance to another human being in the household. Does it make the child a serf? No. But there is no level of equality in that relationship. One person provides for and protects the other who is unable to provide for or protect themselves. Some level of ‘because it is not safe” and some level of hearing the child’s viewpoint are great so that there is some foundation of rational though and lessons taught. But there should be no mistake; yes as the adult who has provided the life and food and home and clothes and life lessons you are in charge. I think the biggest mistake people make with kids today is pretending there is equality.
Giving someone “space to understand” is great, I agree with it totally. As long as the same person understands that if they don’t understand (or don’t want to) they must still do what they are told regardless.