No More Good Girls
Sarah Martin

Rejecting ‘Good Girl’ also requires rejecting Man as Provider Protector. I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said here and wish there were more women who embodied this. My experience is that when I meet a ‘strong powerful woman’ I’ve met a woman who rejects any of the typical female gender behavior expectations and more importantly expects me to. Simultaneously however I’m supposed to maintain the status quo of male behavior; provide and protect, be a ‘male on demand’.

I don’t need a woman to tell me ‘she’s never done this before’ or pretend to be a virgin. I need a woman who takes responsibility for her sexual choices before and with me as I do. I need a woman who gets that sex is not a gift or reward I need to work for nor one I owe her for once she ‘provides it’.

I’ve been saying for awhile that the impediment to ‘full female equality’ is not going to come from men because largely we have examined and modified our behavior over the last 50–100 years based on almost ceaseless demands from women that we do. Yeah I get there are Weinsteins still but for the most part men have radically changed their expectations of female gender roles. The issue is that women have not rejected the entire paradigm, just the part that they … reject.

Perhaps to start you should rename ‘The Right to Work’ to ‘The Responsibility to Work’ so it isn’t some option you have for self-fulfillment which you can always fall back on a man whose obligation it is to support you. Perhaps you should reject the notion that sex is something of value you give that men take and men must pay for or owe you for. Imagine how these two movements together would revolutionize your interactions with men and force their interactions with you to be what you claim you wish them to be. Men won’try to ‘buy’ sex from your or coerce you because you will be a fully sexually human adult being like them who has sex because you want it when you want it. You aren’t ‘holding out’ for more, you aren’t ‘playing hard to get’ to up the ante of what you get in return. Make no mistake the whole ‘holding out so you are seen as a good girl’ means precisely that you want to be seen as a woman who values the sex you provide as means to an end vs an adult who simply wants and enjoys sex. You simply can’t have it both way. Men will start taking no for an answer and honor yuor wishes to not be pursued or asked again because there won’t be any dynamic where that would not be true. When a man doesn’t want to sleep with you clearly that is just what it means (despite many of you claiming he must be gay).

If you want to be and be treated as powerful women than it is up to you, men have no more ability to contribute to that. And letting go of what you all seem to claim does not exist is the only way to do it; female privilege. Reject the notion of sex as a means to wealth and power and men with wealth and power will have no reason or ability to use those to get sex. They will have to learn to bring something more to the table; personality, caring, caring about your pleasure. Reject the notion of ‘playing hard to get’ and men will stop trying to get you when you say no. Reject the notion of men paying for your dates and men will stop trying to use dates to get sex. Reject the notion of men’s roles being that of provider and you will not only free yourselves to enjoy many more men who care about you, you will empower yourselve to provide for yourselves. Reject the notion of men as ‘protectors’ and you might end up with more available men and nicer ones to boot.

Your bullet points are great but at the root of all of them is finally letting go of the half of the paradigm that most women have stubbornly refused to let go of while rejecting the other half. I know, I know, excuses for ‘why’ abound but they all fail the test of even casual logic (“men pay because of how much money I spend to look good”, “men pay because I (supposedly) make 85 cents on the dollar”, “men protect because other men harm”).

I’ll take a real “strong powerful woman” as an equal any day of the week. However faced with a faux one who still wants all the things a ‘good girl’ wants I’ll take the good girl. At least I’m getting something in return for my male obligations.

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