Why Women Want To Be Choked During Sex Part 2 of 2
Make sure you read the previous part, “Why Do Women Want to Be Choked During Sex?” here.
So one day, while having some Thai dinner at my place, my girlfriend and I talked about it.
Randomly sitting across from each other, I said “So about that choking thing… where does it come from?”
I have a way with words.
She nearly spit her mouthful of chicken pad thai right in my face.
We had a great laugh about it. I like talking about things in a funny and unexpected way. She said, “Well, I don’t know. I kind of enjoy it.” She said, “It feels good like it hurts. But it doesn’t really hurt… It hurts in a feel good kind of way.” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
I thought, “Well that’s pretty interesting. Okay… Sounds good.”I heard there’s a fine line between pain and pleasure, so that makes sense.
Throughout that relationship, I was able to more comfortably get to the point where I could inflict just enough pain but still have a grip on myself without losing control. So I didn’t feel like I was really hurting her. Frankly looking back, I think she wanted more pain, more force, just like the other one. And yes, she’d scream things like “Harder! Harder!” even though she could hardly get a breath in.
I likened it to acting so I was just playing the part. But she was younger than me and not mature enough for the future we saw and she decided to call things off. We didn’t exactly see eye to eye on important matters of spiritual belief either. So we didn’t last much longer after that, and that was okay.
At this point, I had begun to accept that some women just like to be choked.
Everyone has their kicks and no one in my opinion is a freak. There’s just no such thing. We’re just humans with desires and everybody has got theirs.
I tend to be obsessed with threesomes. (Two girls and one guy that is.) I reflected back on reading certain books in developing masculinity as a business man and as a lover. Classic works such as, “The Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida really guided me. (Thank goodness!)
It’s a brilliant read for any man or woman looking to understand the true nature of our sexuality. Even the stuff that were not ready to face or admit.
I’d like to share a piece from the book for the men who are reading this post: “She wants you to love her fully with the darkness of your being. She wants the killer in you. She wants to know that you could kill at a moments notice if you had to. When she knows that, she’ll surrender to you and give you more of herself than you could ever imagine.”
This book and those experiences helped me realized that there was a dark side to me. The dark side which was actually hidden and being prodded to come out while I was having sex with the first two women I mentioned. I was actually able to get a real sense of it which felt incredibly dark for this good ol’ Italian boy.
I wasn’t used to my dark side.
As I mentioned in my first post, I was a good guy with a good heart, a good person who was kind and did good things for great people. But as I was caught between loving and choking, between the woman that I really love and care about, I realized that there was a dark side to me that she wanted to come out. She wanted to see it. Not only see it but she wanted to feel it.
Thankfully, I’m a product of my own product.
Six months later I found the life partner I’ve been searching for in Jessica Louise Li who is everything I’ve always wanted.
To close this piece, I want you to know how wonderful a life partner I have. Jessica and I are together and we teach The Sensational Sex Seminar. Not just sex seminars but how to move your relationship inside and outside the bedroom to the next level.
Although we have fantastic and amazing off the wall, out of this world, feel good, feel incredible sex already, we’re always growing and trying new things.
So we had a conversation about choking.
She said, “It’s okay with me.” (I had already gently done it a few times because of what I learned from my previous partners.)
Jessica and I already had all types of sex: rough sex, making love, f***ing and even spiritual sex.
But the other day, she told me she was allowing me to choke her, because it’s healing for her. She had a conversation with a few other women about this in one of her focus groups she leads with men and women and how it is so important for healing to take place, especially for those with a history of sexual trauma.
She said, the ladies all agreed, “When I tell him he can choke me, I’m giving him permission. I heal those parts of me where I wasn’t given permission before.”
Jessica went on to say, “I’m tapping into the part of me that needs to be healed, the part of me that was abused before.”
She said, “It’s cathartic for me because I’m allowing you to do this and I’m trusting you to,” she said.
“I trust you that much, Michael and that’s what’s redeeming for me.”
Now, it’s all starting to make sense. Now, I understand. It’s more than just submission and domination which in itself is attractive… but this is something more. Something much bigger.
The masculine and the feminine are the perfect dance — in harmony in nature and in sex. One of the most basic things we lead people to understand in our sex seminars (there’s so much more) is that when he’s in his masculine and she’s in her feminine, that is truly when the sensational sex and magic of it all really happens.
In conclusion, choke your woman. But only if she asks you to.
I know it’s scary and I know it might freak you out… but if she wants you to do it, do it. For her.
To learn more about Sensational Sex and being comfortable saying and doing the things you and your partner want and need, check out www.TheSensationalSexSeminar.com.
We advocate, you never have to do anything you don’t want to, and choking is not a part of the seminar. Love and communication is.