a lost dream


Back in my elementary school days, I remember going to my friend’s house. David and I would sit down in his weed-smelling (Didn’t know at the time) garage and play some Nazi Zombies. We’d stay up late, trying to get the Ray Gun and researching new glitches on the maps.

It wasn’t long before I got my own Xbox in middle school. I don’t know how, but I’d play 12–14 hours straight on Xbox Live. I was either trying to get nukes in Modern Warfare 2 or grinding to reach 15th prestige on Black Ops. The thousands of hours and K/D building was so worth it.

I remember watching The Minecraft Project series on YouTube by TheSyndicateProject as I built my own miniature Minecraft world. By the time high school hit, I’d constantly dream of becoming a video game YouTuber.

I used to watch old SeaNanners, ChilledChaos, and Markiplier (back when he was only at 60k). The old Fridays with PewDiePie and watching MarkOfJ get Cujo on Black Ops. Oh, and who couldn’t forget the hype for every game being announced at places such as E3?

I bought my first capture card, a Roxio Gaming Capture Card. It was pretty shit back then, but it was something that allowed me to share my content on YouTube. I’d play Dead Frontier and merch off the market and LE items. I’d troll kids on Xbox, corner trapping them on COD or doing stupid ninja defuses (Inspired by MakeUSayWTF). All of this was recorded, and put online for people to watch.

I still remember the joy I felt in doing something like this. I was a teenager. I didn’t have many responsibilities as I do now, and I was working on my dreams.

Those were the days.

My parents didn’t really support it. They didn’t see a future in gaming, and they kind of forced me to pursue other things (like shitty computer science).

But now, gamers are the ones who make the most off social media platforms, especially live streamers. From donations to sponsors, I’ve seen the gaming industry expand and change during the years. And I’ve been following it, as I reminisce on those days.

I wish I didn’t give up on this dream. It’s what got me first-hand into editing, and what I now call my current dream—filmmaking. Most importantly, I was loving what I did, and I still love gaming now. I currently play CSGO, but I definitely wouldn’t mind buying a PS4 to try Last Of Us 2 or building my own PC setup.

I hope that someday, I make this a reality. The gaming industry might be super different, but at least more people are getting into it. Not to mention the new tech for streaming games and the various ways one can explore new communities and share content.

I would love to revive this dream. Someday.

Q: How’s the day going?

It was super productive. I mean if you call working 10 hours straight productive, then that’s what I did. It was actually super fun, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Super hyped for tomorrow. Can’t wait to work my last day at Philz, have dinner with a friend’s fam, and maybe go to a friend’s potluck to see him off for school (I still don’t know what to bring). Other than that, I hope you had a good day, too.

If you’re at the end and reading this…Let’s stay productive together 🤙.