Michael Stevens
Aug 22, 2017 · 2 min read

Interesting read Zat, thanks. I like what you say. I cannot disagree with your premise regarding the pursuit of happiness as being ill fated sometimes. What you are saying, I guess, is that happiness cannot be maintained by pursuing it. Fair point. I think what made me want to be happy was the idea that I wasn’t happy. It was like something had been taken away rather than something I needed to add. The idea that I wasn’t enough didn’t come from me, if you like (though it did grow bigger out of my own insecurities). Suddenly something would come into my awareness that made me feel less than I was. Less than I am. And it wasn’t always fleeting either. This idea that I wasn’t enough came fully loaded. Charged with all kinds of implications that intermingled with my psychological make up and this would trigger my reactions, fears, insecurities and anxieties. Only as I’ve gotten older have I become more able to head this stuff off at the pass, so to speak (though it does always keep coming as it’s source is mainly external). And being rather analytical, I’ve kind of been able to work out what’s going on, to some degree anyway, and get to grips with the damning effect it has if left to it’s own devices. That is, if I don’t deal with my own internal processes appropriately enough I’m at the mercy of my own complexes and what I see as the ‘hard stare’ of a judgemental world. And by ‘appropriately’, I mean not being defensive or being in denial, but being honest, painfully honest sometimes about how I feel. From there there is more of a chance I can deal with what’s going on without compromising myself. I too have struggled to get anywhere in life (I think most of us do, if we are honest with ourselves), but do not think that is necessarily a bad thing. I wish I could have recognised the struggle for what it was sooner really. I wouldn’t have fought it as hard or feared it as much. But that’s something which one learns through the passage of time and from experience and you cannot buy that. Just like you cannot buy happiness or make yourself ‘happy’ by chasing after it! Thanks again for an interesting insight.

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    Michael Stevens

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