Before you begin reading the next sentence, I want you to pause and look around your home or office for just a moment and take inventory of what you see.
Now that you were obedient towards my directions we can pick back up where we left off. When you looked around you should have noticed that you are surrounded with digital devices and other creations designed to help you maneuver through your day. Need to stay in contact? Phone, check! Need to get from one place to another? Car keys, check! Perhaps you might like something to eat? Fridge, check! Just look around you, its all there.
Oh, I forgot about one last thing. Need to maintain and grow your romantic relationship? Uh, where did I? Exactly! For as much as we have advanced as a species, we have yet to conquer the most ancient of our needs and that is the desire for intimate connection with another soul. How can that be possible? We can send satellites into space to observe the far reaches of the universe, yet we can’t see what is happening in our relationships. We can communicate with people on the other side of the earth with the touch of a button, however spouses sit at a the same dinner table living two different realities. How can this be? Human beings are awesome!
I’ll tell you why. Yes, humans are amazing, clever, resilient and even enviable at times. What we also are is, beautifully flawed, scared, timid and even despicable at times. It is carved into our DNA. Although we pursue perfection in all things, what awaits us at the top is “Almost.”
The truth is that human beings are the ultimate variable and we can and will shift directions on you in a heartbeat. There is no algorithm or formula that can tame that fact despite the efforts of many through the centuries. So we must turn the only app that has worked, does work and will continue to work as long as we keep it fresh with the latest upgrades. The app I speak of is our heart.
We have and are relying too heavily on outsourcing the duties of the heart to the digital realm. For example, I shouldn’t have to set a reminder to let me know that it is important to roll over and embrace my wife and welcome her to “Today.” I also shouldn’t have to learn “10 Tips to Drive My Wife Crazy.” What’s wrong with simply asking her?
You see, many times the answer to our problems is staring us in the mirror yet we will sojourn to the ends of the earth trying everything except what is there in front of us. Make no mistake, relationships are complicated and difficult by nature but we make them impossible by refusing to be Self-Less, Apologetic, Attentive, Honest, Proactive, Courageous and Teachable.
What makes these ideas hard? We do because we are afraid that we will lose something in serving something outside of ourselves but I’ve got news for you.
In relationships there are only two guarantees.
The first is that if you continue to tightly hold onto what only concerns, pleases and makes sense to you, then you will never ever lose it.
The second guarantee is that you will never have anything more…
In closing, I implore you to stop looking towards metal, glass and software to fix or grow your relationship. The answers you seek are in the eyes of your mate when you ask the tough questions. “Have I been a good steward of your heart?” That’s what we are all looking for right? Someplace safe being guarded by someone we trust with the most fragile parts of us.
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