How have you been?

He asks, although he’s not sure if he really wants to know. The inevitable answer follows.

Good.

And then there’s more.

Being here is rich and transformative. I’m meeting people who challenge me to find who I really am. My insecurities are surfacing constantly.

He waits for more to come, but there is silence.

Who are you, really?

I don’t have the answer yet. Perhaps I never will.

She pauses, before bouncing the ball back.

And how about you?

I’m not sure. I feel like I’m constantly changing, yet my core remains the same, and I am more capable of feeling what my core is.

What is it?

I don’t feel capable of putting it into coherent words. It’s a very specific feeling, underneath everything else. It’s always there, but at times I get desensitised to it and stop feeling it. It’s not the most elegant metaphor, but it’s a bit like a cooking vent. The sound is loud and prominent, but you stop hearing it eventually, and only notice when it’s gone.

And you’re feeling it now?

Generally speaking, I can feel it more often. But it’s hard at the moment when I’m speaking with you.

I’m sorry.

There’s no need to be. Being with you is difficult right now.

I feel the same way.

He smiles to himself.

Some time ago, I’d ask you if that’s bad, but I think by know I’ve learnt that there is no such thing. It just is, right now, and it will be different in a moment.

They both take a moment to sink into the feeling. Eventually he starts again.

I mentioned before that I can’t express what my core is. I think I could, but I don’t feel safe to share it with you right now.

That’s okay.

Thank you for holding space. You’ve always been very good at that.

Just not very good at holding space for myself.

It seems to me, that what you’re doing now is precisely holding space for yourself. Or perhaps, more accurately, creating space for yourself to be whoever you need to be.

It’s a painful process.

It only means you’re growing fast. I can feel it, even if I can’t understand what is happening. I don’t need to understand anyway. I’m genuinely happy for you.

Thank you for saying that.

They sink deeper into silence.

‘Moments of Connection’ is my attempt at wrapping in words these magical moments when everything make sense and you feel connected with yourself the Universe (whatever that means). If you like this story, then perhaps you’d like to see the entire series. I also have a Patreon and Buy Me A Coffee accounts, if you feel generous and want to bring a huge smile on my face💜.

Sailor ⛵️Juggler ☀️ Shapeshifting Raccoon 🦝 Documenting experiments at https://thewhitelog.com