Confessions from someone struggling with insomnia. So it’s 1:30 am and I’m wide awake. I slept great from 9 pm to 12:30 am. Going to sleep never seems to be the problem. It’s the staying asleep I can’t seem to master. My brain won’t shut off. Thoughts of all the things I’m trying to remember but keep forgetting are running through my mind. My inbox is filled with emails to myself in hopes of once they’re out of my head my brain will relax. I apologize to my coworkers for the forwards of random emails from in the middle of the night. Just trying to be somewhat productive in the midst of this wide-awake time. If it’s not thoughts like this filling my brain, then it’s thoughts about all the things I’m stressed out over, worried about, burdened for, hurting with, and can’t seem to let go of. Wish there was an “off” button. And for those of you who think you have the answer… I’ve tried them all. Seriously. Do you think I like being up and awake on the middle of the night? No. I’ve tried medicine, oils, homeopathic remedies, foods, and a long list of other things. And yes, I’ve prayed, meditated, and nothing is a cure-all. All I know is that in about another 30 minutes or so, I will go back to sleep and curse when the alarm clock goes off because it will feel like I just went to sleep. This is a fairly frequent occurrence. So when this single mom drops her son off at school, then heads to work at a full-time job I love, but it’s demanding… Emotionally and mentally- and you see me smiling, laughing, crying… Sometimes tears of joy, sometimes tears of sadness… Please know life isn’t always what it seems from the outside. Sometimes the inside is in a battle with itself and there’s no where to go with all the thoughts in my head. Sometimes a hug, a smile, or even a comment like “it’s going to be ok,” or “ you’ve got this,” or “know you are not alone,” these are the things that carry me through. It’s so easy to point fingers, judge, assume… It’s much harder to empathize, try to understand, and realize many times when someone doesn’t react the way you think they should but don’t… You probably have no idea what this person is going through, been through, deals with, worries about. And most of the time their reaction, my reaction- says more about me and how I’m dealing or not dealing with things-than it does about you. It’s a hard lesson to learn. But we can’t take everything so personally. Instead can we try to come together and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes for a minute and try to imagine what they are going through. Instead of throwing rocks, hurling insults in our head, perhaps we can pray, offer encouragement, give people a break, be kind, gentle, show compassion instead of selfishness. Sometimes it only takes a little time to make someone who is struggling feel like they are not alone. Well it’s about 30 minutes since I started this and I feel myself getting closer to sleep take 2. And for those who know what I’m talking about… I pray you too get the sweet sleep I pray for every night.