Fighting the one you love —

Don’t.

Really.

I know. Even the therapists and relationship experts I most admire, tell us how important it is to fight (rather than suppress) — but to learn to do it in a healthy way.

I agree about the not suppressing part, but I don’t agree about the fighting.

Words matter. They shape the way we think about things. They give us our framework for choices and perception.

Here are some of the primary definitions for the word fight:

1. take part in a violent struggle involving the exchange of physical blows or the…

I Love You

In regard to a man she’d been seeing intimately for months, a friend recently asked, “When is it OK to say I love you?”

Say I love you, I suggested, when that is what you are feeling, and you feel like saying it. Love is a gift and sharing it with someone is beautiful. Be generous.

But what if he doesn’t say it back?

Gifts come without strings. Do not give a gift with an expectation that you’ll get one back. If what the other person is feeling, too, in that moment, happens to be, “I love…

The precarious process of coupling.

When we meet someone we are interested in, when the chemistry of attraction kicks in, we can either start a dance or a game.

The dance is a back and forth of curiosity, of excitement and revelations. I reveal who I am one step at a time, you reveal who you are one step at a time.

“Dance is the hidden language of the soul” said Martha Graham.

Do we move well together, does it feel good? Great! Together, we create something interesting and beautiful, fun, maybe sensual. We decide, one dance at a time…