Why You Need to Start CHOOSING Your Challenges
I hit “send” on the email. I was firing off my first ebook to the 123 people who purchased it in pre-sale mode for $15 and a free coaching session just two weeks prior…
and then I promptly came down with 104 degree fever.
I had stretched my body beyond it’s limits to get this book done.
In hindsight, this was strangely similar to giving birth to my daughter.
Both times…
It was a “first” for me.
I hadn’t slept much in a while.
I was in bed for days following the completion of the project.
And… I was at a crossroads where my identity would significantly change from that point on.
Oh, and they both hurt. Though, funny enough, I think the book hurt more.
Yes, I just said that writing a book is more painful than childbirth. Of course, I’m one of these seemingly rare women who actually enjoyed her labor, drug-free and at home in a blow up pool. I experienced deep pleasure more than pain. Please, direct my hate mail to my Mom, she screens them for me in Heaven.
Pro tip: couple any of your accomplishments with something that garners sympathy for you, like the fact that your Mom is dead. Helps keep you relatable.
Just kidding, but that is totally a thing people do. I only did it to demonstrate that point, I promise.
And I wasn’t kidding about my Mom, she really keeps the hate mail from getting to me.
Because no matter how bad things get or how cliché this sentence is, I am always alive if I’m able to be lamenting the way things are.
That ebook I wrote was my first big risk.
Actually, that’s not true, but I didn’t realize it until I had typed it.
I’ve been taking risks my entire life, now that I think about it.
But that was a big one, because I used the sales from the ebook to fund my training as a coach, and I created a 100+ person lead list to start my business, all in one shot.
No wonder I came down with a fever after it was complete.
I had blown a gasket in my brain. I had astounded myself. I had accomplished something I would have previously told you was “impossible.”
My mind, and body, were blown.
In the following two years I tried to replicate that success. Twice.
It didn’t work either time, even though I suspect that the other two ebooks I wrote were much better than the first.
I could blame the market, my customers, my lack of “systems” etc… but it was just me. I got in my head and stopped ferociously believing in myself like I had the first time.
The first was INSPIRED ACTION.
The second and third were PRETTY GOOD IDEAS.
And that’s my trouble, I have a lot of “pretty good ideas” that I spend time doing when the inspired action isn’t happening.
Something I have learned is that inspired action comes from constriction.
Mine was: It’s January 15th of 2012 and I have until February 1st 2012 to come up with $1,250
So, I called in the troops. I got every brilliant person I know on the phone to give me counsel, including the life coach that I had hired that last October just as my Mom was entering hospice. I even talked about it at the last session with my therapist, who mostly gave me affirmation and asked me to email her a link to the book so she could offer it to her patients.
Constraint created so much for me then.
And since, I have done a lot of being safe, sitting back, thinking about what to do next, and not allowing myself to create constraints.
I say “create” on purpose, because I created the need for $1250. I didn’t HAVE to change careers and join a high-end coach training. I CHOSE that.
Most constraints I have experienced since then have “happened to me.”
Fun tidbit: I once heard that we use an entirely different part of our brains when we are doing something confronting that we have CHOSEN to take on vs something that has been thrust upon us. The latter causes us to be in fight or flight mode. The former, causes us to be in predator mode.
This is what many business people refer to as “being hungry”
“I want this thing and I will be DAMNED if I don’t get it!”
I will even send myself to bed for 4 days after.
(see, you don’t know if I’m talking about my book or my baby)
Speaking of which, have you ever pissed off a pregnant woman? Man alive, “predator” doesn’t cut it! I remember one pregnant day I had to put my hands in my pockets while walking through the streets of Williamsburg Brooklyn, lest I spontaneously punch a hipster! #nothyperbole
When you are hell-bent on creating something, even a baby, nothing is going to get in your way or mess with you. And I think every pregnant woman, upon looking down at her bump, has experienced a moment of thinking “oh my god, I HAVE to have this baby now. I’m trapped!” And THAT is how our business commitments can feel.
We committed to too much. We bit off more than we could chew. We actually CAN’T handle this.
I promised and sold a book before I had written it.
I scheduled 12 sample coaching sessions in my first week without knowing how to coach yet.
I. WAS. TERRIFIED. But I got supported and I kept going.
I had great success… that I’ve only been maintaining since then. My income hasn’t changed that drastically. I charge more and have less clients, which is cool I suppose. But I haven’t actually had that INSPIRED ACTION since then.
Sometimes I worry that I’m a one-hit wonder — and it’s THOSE thoughts that are my enemy. Not my competitors. Not my finances. Not anything external to me.
Because we self-fulfill our self-fulfilling prophecies.
I’ve had more false starts than I can count in the last 5 years since I hit send on that ebook.
And yet… I say that I want to be a millionaire. To have 4 kids. To live in a gorgeous house with a wrap-around porch (dedicated to my Mom because she always wanted a house with one of those) and with a whole section dedicated to my coaching business. A gorgeous space where I could have retreat days and workshops. Located in a suburb of NYC.
As I type this I’m struck by how much clearer this picture is now than it ever has been. Before I got pregnant, I had a really hard time visualizing my future.
OH. MY. GOD. I just realized that this baby was a huge risk I took within the last 5 years since I hit send on that ebook!
See, this is why everyone should write, even if you’re not going to publish. I find it so much easier to process my thoughts and come to conclusions when I write instead of think.
Yes, my baby girl, my sweet Amelia, was the product of INSPIRED ACTION.
And that might sound odd to you since it involved having sex (and everyone loves having sex, right?!)
Uhhh…, truth be told, I’m pretty terrified of sincere physical intimacy. (Sincere is the key word in that statement). So, the fact that we even got me pregnant is something of a miracle.
But we decided to do it (hehe) because we saw the vision of having a big family, we looked at the date I was born and the date it was then, saw our constraint and got to it! I tried to avoid the physical intimacy part even after we made that decision, but I had a great accountability partner in my husband. (Thanks, Justin!)
(Before I go, I will take a moment to confess my already obvious love of parentheticals ❤ Love you, bros)
tl;dr: When you choose to put yourself in a difficult position to achieve a seemingly impossible, scary, yet amazing goal, you give yourself the best chance to see it come to fruition. Oh, and make sure you get a ton of support along the way.
You could even hire me as your coach.
