Is It Really Just a Prom Dress? A Short Thought on Cultural Appropriation and on Being a Minority in America
(The views expressed here are entirely mine as a Korean American. I do not speak for the entire Asian American community.)
As you might have heard by now, there’s been a fair amount of coverage regarding the Chinese dress that Keziah Daum, a high school student from Utah, wore to prom. And surprisingly enough, a startling amount of people don’t seem to understand why this has been upsetting to so many Asian Americans.
On one hand, there’s a fair amount of (predominantly white) people that see the garment as a mere fashion statement, and cannot fathom the response made in opposition. On the other hand, some news sources have chosen to include the comments and perspectives of Asians in Asia. Asians who express anything from nonchalance to positivity when they say that they’re happy to see their culture represented outside of their respective countries.
This is what I have to say to both groups of people: You do not understand what it can be like to be a minority in America. You do not understand how especially brutal it can be to live here when you’re not white, when you don’t speak English flawlessly, when you’re not in possession of a Western name, and so on.
Can you understand what it’s like to have to suppress your culture and desperately assimilate for the sake of your own survival? Can you understand what it’s like to only have maybe two personality type options available for you to adopt, and that any deviation is considered inconceivable? Do you know how heartbreaking it can be when your loved ones get treated like garbage for their accents and their broken English? And can you understand what it’s like to be constantly fetishized by other people groups? People whose only real exposure to your heritage — or even just people who look like you — comes from the Panda Express that they eat and from the genre of pornography that they consume?
In short, can you really understand what it’s like to be seen as less than human and as a permanent foreigner in the country you were born and raised in purely because of your ethnicity?
If I had worn a traditional hanbok to my prom, I assure you that I would have experienced an exhausting amount of derision, and so many of my classmates would’ve found the action disagreeable. Honestly, some of my white friends get noticeably uncomfortable if I even mention a Korean beverage. This has been my experience whenever hints of my culture have been expressed outside of my Asian American social circles, and I’ve only ever spent extended time in very diverse, major cities. I cannot imagine what it’s like for the Asian Americans in virtually homogeneous places.
The message that America has sent to me, be it through implicit or explicit means, is that I am only welcome in America if I’m the kind of Asian that erases every part of her culture. I am only welcome here if I’m the kind of Asian that white people want. And even then, I’m only welcome as a guest and never as a permanent resident.
The issue here is so much more than just a dress. The issue here is that in America, it’s a long-running and recurring event that ethnic people cannot express or participate in their culture publicly without fear of ridicule or violence, while white people may happily take aspects of those cultures without any real knowledge or respect for their origin. Aspects that are taken on only to be discarded at whim.
Why is it that so many black people cannot wear cornrows or dreadlocks without receiving derisive comments on how “unprofessional” or “dirty” they look when other people are considered “edgy” for adopting those hairstyles? Why can a white child throw a geisha themed birthday party while so many Asian children would get accused of “forcing their culture onto others” if they planned similar events?
Basically, why does it seem like the white dominant majority in America gets to pick and choose aspects of other cultures to parade around as exotic accessories while the actual members of those cultural practices get punished for expressing such a key part of their identities?
And while some of the aforementioned news sources seem all too happy to include the perspective of Asians in Asia, not a single article that I’ve read bothers to delve into why their opinion differs. For that matter, why is their opinion on this topic even relevant? As this Medium article brilliantly points out, we do not ask Africans in Africa to comment on the modern day experience of black people in America. And that’s the way it should be. There are so many implications in this action, but the main one that I see is that so often Asian Americans are not truly seen as actual Americans. To so many people we are indiscernible from our counterparts on the other side of the world. And no matter how many generations one’s family has been here, so many of us are still constantly asked on where we’re really from.
Even then, I’ve had some white people who were eager to inform me that the Chinese in China didn’t see Keziah Daum’s dress as an issue, and that I surely couldn’t accuse those Chinese individuals of not caring about the feelings of Asian Americans. As someone who’s lived in Asia and has spent extensive time on the continent, I can safely say that many Asians there do not spend a whole lot of time thinking about the immigrants abroad. As shocking as this might come across to some people, the world does not revolve around America, and I seriously wonder if there’s a first world country as self-obsessed as this country can get. People in Asia have very valid, busy lives with their own problems in their own countries. Lives and problems that don’t often intersect with the business of expats on the direct opposite side of the planet. I myself do not spend a whole lot of time wondering about the concerns of Korean immigrants in Brazil, Mexico, or China, to name a few countries. And if you’re one of those previously mentioned people, how much time do you personally spend wondering about the lives and concerns of American expats in Asia?
Fair amounts of Asians in Asia do not consider Asian Americans as their own people. In Korea at least, the general consensus that I’ve seen in my life is that people from my parents’ generation will tell me that I’ll always be Korean while the people around my age will almost always see me as a foreigner.
Another amusing thing I’ve noted from the discourse surrounding Keziah Daum’s dress is that so many (predominantly white) Americans believe that the Asian Americans are getting too easily offended on the matter. Who are you to tell a group of people that you do not belong to what they can or cannot find offensive? I don’t tell people from other minority groups what they can and can’t find hurtful, because well… I’m not part of their groups and I will never truly understand what it’s like to live their lives and deal with their struggles. Empathy shouldn’t be this hard.
Last month when I was in Korea, some of my relatives asked me to describe a few of the things that I found difficult about living in America. I mentioned that the racism could get exhausting. Not only when it came from white people, but I told them that it could get especially hurtful when it came from other minorities.
And immediately all the relatives that had ever spent significant time in America turned to me, gave me an understanding nod, and none of them needed any further explanation.
My other relatives, however, just found the concept confusing. To them racism was simplified and boiled down into slurs and segregation; something that could be easily evaded and ignored. Having lived as the majority all their lives, the understanding that racism was so much more wasn’t something that they could understand. And in some ways, I truly envied their lack of knowledge on the matter.
It’s a lack of knowledge I wish I could afford to have.
(If I do have any white people reading this piece, I have one favor to ask. Please don’t make this about you. I don’t need to see comments on how you feel personally attacked by my experiences. I also don’t need to see comments on how you’re not racist because you have a minority friend or someone in your family married a minority. Just don’t do it.
I also can’t believe that I need to type this, but when I refer to the white dominant majority, I am not referring to every single white person in America. I am referring to a collective identity.)
