It’s the season change….and it sucks…and it’s wonderful…
Wowsers…where to even START..?
OK..let’s start with the current “situation”, it’s as good a place as any right?
I’m a 48 year old woman on the edge of change.
I’m ok looking, I’ve taken (mostly) good care of myself over the years.
I move my body most days, sometimes I attack my training with every ounce of everything I can muster, other days I drag my sorry ass along to the gym because the inconvenience of looking and feeling like crap and the impact this has on my energy and confidence is just not worth the avoidance.
Most of the outside world wouldn’t recognise these thoughts as my own because outwardly I’m bulletproof (hell I even wrote a book about being bulletproof!).
But I’m human…hence the way too many wines and not enough exercise on my recent month long trip abroad and consequent extra chub around my waistline.
I live in a beautiful seaside town just outside of Melbourne with the love of my life.
We just became engaged.
I did the asking.
I did the asking because historically I’m somewhat of a failure when it comes to relationships.…the 3 failed marriages (along with a handful of other longterm and serious relationships) are testament to that little slice of history.
But I have my shit together now in the area of intimate relationships…and it feels fabulous.
I’m also a mum.
In spite of many obstacles and doing this thing called motherhood without a freaking MANUAL I can proudly say I’ve managed to produce 2 very awesome humans in the form of my daughter Chloe (19) and my son Cody (22 in a week).
The fruit of my loins no longer inhabit my home, they’re off adulting with their respective (and loveable) partners Jay and Rach.
My kids and I have been to hell and back but we’re a very a tight unit who FULLY understand, love and appreciate one another. And we all share the same sense of warped, dry humour.
I’m blessed in this area of my in so many ways and for that I’m grateful.
I’m also successful in business.
I’ve been treading the entrepreneurial floorboards for well over 2 decades in various forms all the time evolving into where I’m now firmly standing…having only about 27% of an idea about what I plan to do next with my personal brand.
Hell even the pilots licence I achieved in my early 20’s, the black belts I’ve gained as a martial artist, the Diploma I earned in Land Resource Management and the bar work I did to pay for it have all played a roll in shaping me into this woman on the edge of change I am today.
Let me edit….in writing this I am no longer on the edge of anything…I have changed.
You see….my writing up until this point in time has had to adhere to some pretty strict self-imposed guidelines ie: “make this book worthy of being a bestseller” or “make sure there are some practical take-aways from this post to inspire action so people get a result”, to experience a win if you like or “make sure this piece inspires them to buy my program” and then there was the “make sure it’s what you know they want to hear from you”.
I’ve written every day of my life for as long as I can remember…even as a small child of 7 or 8 the only thing I can remember about primary school was the pride of being called to the front of the class to “show and tell” about the book I had written, illustrated and constructed all by myself.
But I’d lost the desire to write.
I had a book of 30,000 words all ready to go but for the final touches and couldn’t pull the trigger on it…because that book was no longer “me”.
So I hit delete.
So there was no going back.
As an aside, that’s generally the way I roll in life…burn the bridge so you can’t go back…seems to work well for me..most of the time.
The mere fact that I’m writing this right now simply to write for the joy of writing…for the pure pleasure of writing without a single rule in place about what the piece is supposed to be or the purpose it’s supposed to serve…THAT is the trickle of change I KNOW will give way to the tidal wave of change that’s been calling me for too many months now.
Before I came on here to write I made the decision to let go of a lot of self-imposed rules (amongst other things) and that sparked the desire to write IMMEDIATELY.
God it feels good!
It’s Spring here (in Australia) tomorrow and right now my life feels like spring.
The seed of change has been planted and I know in this spring of my life many incredible things are about to grow and flourish.
Because I choose to let them.
Because I owe it to myself.
And because it’s time.
The heavy weight of indecision that’s been pressing down on me has lifted.
I feel light.
And excited about where this entrepreneurial journey of mine is going to take me next.
So watch this space…and I’ll watch yours :-)