Attracting a healthy person may be easy for most, but some of us struggle. Past trauma might have caused us to develop a “broken picker” along the way. We end up dating people who aren’t good for us.
I’ve consistently chosen potential mates who are unavailable, due to addiction or attachment issues. I’ve known this, yet I still attract partners who are emotionally unavailable to me.
How do we break our old patterns and find someone healthy? I pay attention to friends and family who have successful long-term relationships. I’ve noticed a few things that keep them together.
Her love is like a volcano
passion pumping from the heart of Earth’s core
Heat running through her veins
deep affection spreading underground
Pressure’s building as her magma pulsates
through cavernous rock beneath you
and culminates inside her cave
steam rising with a sigh
She’s bubbling, simmering, boiling
until she explodes into the pale blue sky
Her scorching lava spreads ardent desire
as she erupts with emotional fervor
Molten rivers carve new pathways to your heart
settling into a solid foundation as she cools
She has the makings of a mountain
with the love she shares
Her love is like…
I have the gift of sight, literally and figuratively. My eyesight needs correction, but my inner vision is extraordinary. I think about the impact of vision on my life and those around me. I’ve searched for clarity, or clear vision, for a long time. It seems to be an ongoing theme for me.
I use words like envision, insight, and intimacy when I talk about relationships. Seeing each other, with our eyes and our hearts, helps foster intimacy, or “into me see.” How we see each other impacts our level of intimacy.
Most people want to be seen and appreciated…
In a recovery group I participate in on social media, someone asked what makes her behavior codependent. I knew immediately how she could tell. I said, “If you’re doing something that someone can do for themselves, risking harm to yourself, and possibly feeling resentful, you may be codependent.”
How could I confidently answer the question? I used to suffer from codependency. I wouldn’t have been able to see it back then. That’s why she had to ask. We often blur the line between helping and trying to control outcomes for other people.
We call this controlling behavior codependency because we…
I’m 49 years old as of January 23rd, 2021. At nearly half a century old, I’ve received many valuable and precious gifts, tangible and otherwise. One such present continues to teach me and fill my heart with love.
Twelve years ago, my then-boyfriend Joaquin* offered me a rose bush. He’s a talented gardener and attentive to what I favor. He knew I liked the Sterling Silver rose with a fragrant lavender bloom. He remembered purple is my favorite color. …
Why are we quick to discredit the value of friendships, making them secondary to other connections? When our attraction turns out to be nonsexual, and we decide we’re “just” friends, we deem friendship less significant than other relationships. The word “just” sounds like our friend is somehow at a lower level than that of an intimate partner/spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.
We’re not “just” friends. Every relationship means something. So why do people assign less importance to them? And our partner is ideally our friend, right?
What if we recognized the value of friendship as it is, without trying to categorize it…
I loved you once under a waxing moon
but your disease took you away too soon
Your behavior makes you almost unrecognizable
and my grief from losing you is indescribable
You’re burning things down, stumbling all over town
I’d pour water around, but I’m afraid you might drown
Your dead eyes are ablaze while you’re lost in a haze
You got caught in a nightmare and you can’t wake
I’m not sure how much longer it’ll take
I loved you once when you were ok you held me close and we dreamed of someday Now I must leave those dreams…
We set out to accomplish certain things, change a behavior, or take a particular action. Some of us write what we did the year before. We reflect on events and experiences, feelings, and goals we accomplished. It’s our “done” list for the year.
We’re embarking on a fresh, new year, so we tend to reflect on our plans during this time. We write “to do” lists, not just for the day, but the whole year.
Even with our best intentions, we usually don’t follow through with most of them. Sometimes our expectations are too high. Other times, we aren’t ready…
I knew I loved you, and told you why
You held it in your heart, and my spirit lit up like a star-filled sky
You embraced my love, held it safe and warm
then I knew I hadn’t risked myself any harm
All the reasons my love grew deep
you summed them up with a promise to keep
my feelings held, sacred and cherished
and I knew our light wouldn’t diminish
because you’re strong enough to hold me while I’m vulnerable as you can see I feel secure in this space you offer with tenderness As I trust you with…
You’re my favorite cup of tea
brewed slowly for distinct flavor
You’re the soothing herbs floating in warm water
steeping to bring out the richness
You have impeccable timing
soaking in the leaves only until you’re ready
Steep too long and you’re bitter
not long enough and you’re insipid
so I pay attention
You’re my favorite cup of tea
here at the perfect moment
sipped slowly and savored
I bring you to my lips with delightful fervor
chills subsiding as you warm me from the inside
My tongue swirls around as I taste your nourishing gifts
Taking sips on a…