Attracting a healthy person may be easy for most, but some of us struggle. Past trauma might have caused us to develop a “broken picker” along the way. We end up dating people who aren’t good for us.
I’ve consistently chosen potential mates who are unavailable, due to addiction or attachment issues. I’ve known this, yet I still attract partners who are emotionally unavailable to me.
How do we break our old patterns and find someone healthy? I pay attention to friends and family who have successful long-term relationships. I’ve noticed a few things that keep them together.
You come first. Taking care of yourself is paramount to anything or anyone else. You must focus on your needs and desires before directing your energy toward another person. …
I’m 49 years old as of January 23rd, 2021. At nearly half a century old, I’ve received many valuable and precious gifts, tangible and otherwise. One such present continues to teach me and fill my heart with love.
Twelve years ago, my then-boyfriend Joaquin* offered me a rose bush. He’s a talented gardener and attentive to what I favor. He knew I liked the Sterling Silver rose with a fragrant lavender bloom. He remembered purple is my favorite color. …
Why are we quick to discredit the value of friendships, making them secondary to other connections? When our attraction turns out to be nonsexual, and we decide we’re “just” friends, we deem friendship less significant than other relationships. The word “just” sounds like our friend is somehow at a lower level than that of an intimate partner/spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.
We’re not “just” friends. Every relationship means something. So why do people assign less importance to them? And our partner is ideally our friend, right?
What if we recognized the value of friendship as it is, without trying to categorize it as part of a hierarchy? Relationships are dynamic and varied. …
I loved you once under a waxing moon
but your disease took you away too soon
Your behavior makes you almost unrecognizable
and my grief from losing you is indescribable
You’re burning things down, stumbling all over town
I’d pour water around, but I’m afraid you might drown
Your dead eyes are ablaze while you’re lost in a haze
You got caught in a nightmare and you can’t wake
I’m not sure how much longer it’ll take
I loved you once when you were ok
you held me close and we dreamed of someday
Now I must leave those dreams to die
It’s been so long that I no longer…
We set out to accomplish certain things, change a behavior, or take a particular action. Some of us write what we did the year before. We reflect on events and experiences, feelings, and goals we accomplished. It’s our “done” list for the year.
We’re embarking on a fresh, new year, so we tend to reflect on our plans during this time. We write “to do” lists, not just for the day, but the whole year.
Even with our best intentions, we usually don’t follow through with most of them. Sometimes our expectations are too high. Other times, we aren’t ready to make the change. New year’s resolutions can set us up for failure. …
I knew I loved you, and told you why
You held it in your heart, and my spirit lit up like a star-filled sky
You embraced my love, held it safe and warm
then I knew I hadn’t risked myself any harm
All the reasons my love grew deep
you summed them up with a promise to keep
my feelings held, sacred and cherished
and I knew our light wouldn’t diminish
because you’re strong enough to hold me
while I’m vulnerable as you can see
I feel secure in this space you offer with tenderness
As I trust you with feelings I used to…
You’re my favorite cup of tea
brewed slowly for distinct flavor
You’re the soothing herbs floating in warm water
steeping to bring out the richness
You have impeccable timing
soaking in the leaves only until you’re ready
Steep too long and you’re bitter
not long enough and you’re insipid
so I pay attention
You’re my favorite cup of tea
here at the perfect moment
sipped slowly and savored
I bring you to my lips with delightful fervor
chills subsiding as you warm me from the inside
My tongue swirls around as I taste your nourishing gifts
Taking sips on a cold winter’s day
There’s nothing I want more than to sit with my cup here today
You’re my favorite cup of tea
as I snuggle up by the fire and enjoy…
The man I love is getting on a plane to explore the Everglades. I love him because of his never-ending sense of adventure. I love him because he’s spontaneous. I love that he loves himself enough to fulfill his desires.
I love seeing his blue jeans with the ticket stub laying on his thigh, as he showed me his flight details. I imagine his strong legs flex as he walks toward the gate and into a plane, miles above and away from me.
I love him as I’ve never loved him before. Love grows into a different shape as time passes, as relationships shift into new forms. …
I’ve been feeling a lot of love for a particular person. We lit a match to our friendship, and now it’s blazing with possibilities. I appreciate the warmth of my feelings and the unabashed honesty about them. I express to him how much I care in myriad ways. But I haven’t said, “I love you.”
Strangely, those three words have become loaded with intimate partners. I tell a lot of people I love them, almost daily. I exchange those three little words with friends and family with no effort. They don’t carry the weight as they do with him, now that we’re more than friends. It feels like a momentous occasion to say it. …
Single moms are resilient. But we also try to swim against impossible tides. I’m single parenting during a freaking pandemic. What did I expect, a surfboard? Nope, I’m left to swim in icy, shark-infested waters. I’m not that great of a swimmer, so this analogy fits.
Some of us struggle more than others, and I realize I’m lucky in many ways. But it doesn’t make it easy to adjust and manage life without a solid structure with my kids in school and work for myself.
I’m the only parent tending to the needs of our children full-time. Work and self-care suffer under these conditions. I haven’t shared what it’s actually like, probably because I thought we were handling it pretty well. …