Intentional Writing

If I say I am not scared of writing, that would be a lie. For 10+ years I could not consistently write due to fear of people and how my writing may be received, fearing that I may feel personally rejected. Not to mention English is not my first language, I have fear about not getting the language right.

It took some time to separate my writing from who I am as a being and to care less about people’s opinion of me. It started with a wake up call from my friend who told me “Stop worrying about other’s economy. Worry about your own economy.”

I had low self-esteem and didn’t think I amounted to greatness. But when my friend believed in my capability and advised me to join a Toastmasters Club, I stood up and gave my first speech about one subject I knew the best -myself.

My speech was a sincere desire and hope to have a better life and a better future. I asked for the listeners’ help and support to assist me in living a more fulfilled life as I join the Toastmasters Club.

When I was done, I was met by stand ovations and much clapping. While some were sincere, some felt superficial. Nonetheless, I remember distinctively the first sentence I heard when I was done giving my speech. “You are more capable than you think you are,” a statement made by my friend which rang like a bell over and over again.

While overcoming fear of people is still an ongoing process for me, in the last few months, I took many steps to reprogram my mind. I started listening to Carrie Green’s Program Your Mind For Success with the advice of the friend. Then I started listening to more TED talks of successful people. If ordinary people can become successful, I can too and as I listened to more of Carrie’s videos, I felt inspired to become like her. I wanted so badly to imitate the way successful people think and familiarize myself with power of visualization. Though there were many moments when my passion was buried under the busyness of life, the friend reminded me to write. And lately, I felt even more convinced that I needed to write as I thought about my own funeral and what would people say about who I was. I need to do this while I am still alive.

I became tired of this chronic handicap called FEAR that was immobilizing me from taking actions. I felt like a dead man walking without accomplishing the kind of things I was meant to do. And I decided that I take my small steps to freedom.

As John Maxwell, a renown expert in leadership said, good intentions do not lead to results. You have to be intentional about what you want in life and if the resources are not available, create them to make it happen.

Right now, I have many ‘buts’ that keep me from having the best life possible but I have made the decision to be intentional about how I would do what I am about to do if I were the person I want to become (inspired by Jim Cathcart’s TED talk).

I wonder how many of us go through similar frustrations about living an unfulfilled life. Have you felt that fear was keeping you from taking actions you knew was necessary to get to the next step? Have you overcome this fear and how did you do it? I would love to learn from you.

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