I’ve been thinking about secrets lately. It could be because I am writing my Memoir and its hard not to look at secrets.
I thought of this analogy :
Holding secrets IN is like a Jack -in-the-Box. If you don’t deal with them they will eventually pop up — and hit you in the face!
So, we might as well ‘JUST DO IT’. Like a band aid. Rip off that secret and expose it. YEAH!
This might explain why many people decide to write Memoirs later in their life. They want to come clean about their lives and reveal their secret stuff.
- Are you holding down pain, anger, any secretive emotion?
- Are you not getting your secrets out by sharing them with someone? Anyone?
I think this might be the cause of much pain and anguish in peoples lives.
HOLDING SHIT IN IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
I am reading two books by James Pennebaker.
‘Expressive writing: Words that Heal’ and ‘Opening up by Writing it Down’
Both of these books are wonderful for anyone who is thinking of writing their Memoir but also for anyone who wants to be healthier and heal their lives.
ARE THERE DANGERS OF HOLDING STUFF IN?
In his books Dr. Pennebaker speaks of the dangers of holding secrets in.
He explains the benefits of writing stuff down which he recommends, but also the benefit of just getting secrets out in other ways like talking with a good friend on the phone — and dumping your secrets!
Some people prefer excersize, meditation and yoga.
But, for many people (me for example) it is in the writing process.
His research is proving that there are many downsides if you don’t get your secrets out.
In his Chapter called, ‘Shhhhh. It’s a Secret’ he explains:
THE CONNECTION BETWEEN CONFESSION AND HEALTH
‘Why do people around the world tell their stories? Is there some kind of urge to confess? Is it healthy for us to divulge our deepest thoughts and feelings? Or, conversely, is it unhealthy not to share the private sides of our lies with others.
Major secrets can be stressful. Like other stressors, keeping secrets from those close to us can affect our health, including our immune function, the action of our heart and vascular systems, and even the biochemical workings of our brain and nervous systems.
So, keeping back thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can place us at risk for both major and minor diseases. Whereas harboring secrets is potentially harmful:
Confronting our personal thoughts and feelings can have remarkable short-and long-term health benefits.
There appears to be a basic need to reveal ourselves to others. Not disclosing our thoughts and feelings can be risky for our mental and even physical health.
Divulging them can be healthy.’
He says that many people are not sure where to go with their secrets so they hold them in — hold them DOWN! (Like the Jack-n-the-Box).
I am thinking about all the Catholics who go to confessional. Also psychotherapy, counseling, Life Coaches or even online support groups.
In the 12 Step Programs they use this slogan ‘We are only as sick as our secrets.’ They also use the 4th step as a way to get people to ‘come clean’ with secrets they are harboring.
Yesterday I talked to a new artist friend on the phone. We had a great connection. During our chat he revealed some of his deep shit to me.
He said “HEY this will really blow your mind?” before he unveviled what he thought would be an awful horrendous secret.
Then he told me what it was.
Guess what?
It was like ‘Ohhh THAT’S not THAT bad. Let me tell you MY STORY!?” and then I told him my deeply embarrassing story that related to his. Mine seemed far worse!
We both laughed and laughed and it neutralized both of our feelings of being alone with our ‘secret’.
So I am highly recommending getting out your secretive stuff. Even if its something you dont DREAM OF TELLING ANYONE — just go ahead and do it.
It might really help you plus its good for your health!
If you enjoyed this, please click the ❤ to share. Thanks!
