MY LETTER TO THE FDA
regarding my experience with Ativan. A Benzodiazepine medication.
I got physically dependent on 1 mg of Ativan /Lorazapam per my doctor/s advice to go on this medication for anxiety issues. It became ineffective after a year or so. I was still having uncomfortable anxiety so I was told by my doctor I had to up my dosage to 2 mgs for it to be ‘effective’.
( He explained this was the only way to do it since this pill was no longer working at the 1 mg dose.)
I am a rebel by nature and this did not sit well with me. Instinctively I didn’t feel good about upping my dose after doing much research online about the long term affects of Benzodiazapenes. I did MAJOR research and discovered through Dr. Heather Ashtons website http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/ among other reputable websites that this medication was NOT to be used long term (only for short term anxiety)
I mentioned this numerous times to the doctors and also to many pharmacists who ALL assured me I would be ‘fine’. I was told often ‘1 mg of Ativan is NOT a big deal. There are many patients who are on far higher doses’, which made me feel it was safe to continue.
I went back on my .5 mg dose (and sometimes even 1 mg) a few times during this long process/ordeal just so that I could have my ‘brain back’.
I again decided to try to taper off the medication myself, slowly (with the help of an online Benzo Support group) and a few close friends who had successfully tapered off. I did not want to be on this medication the rest of my life!
My goal was to GET OFF THE BENZO TRAIN!! That was my ultimate goal and my motto it seemed.
I did finally get off this med (thankfully)after suffering scary withdrawal symptoms (too many to mention here), even though I did my taper very slowly.
I decided on a dry cut taper even though many Benzo Support Groups said a water titration was the only way to successfully get off of Ativan. That confused me a lot and frightened me too, to be honest, because the water titration taper seemed too confusing to me and the dry cut method felt more ‘doable’ to me.
So I began my long ‘turtle taper’. I went from 1 mg a day to .75 (held at that dosage for months), then cut to .5 mgs, (held at that dosage for months) then .25, .175 then finally zero. It was a HELLISH experience because my brain was zapping and my anxiety at times was off the charts, all while trying to maintain my art gallery business and travelling alone around the country in my U-HAUL selling my art at art festivals.(I reinstated a few times because I had to be able to function, because of financial reasons I could not afford to lose my business because of the withdrawal symptoms).
So, a few times during this taper period I did reinstate — went back to my 1 mg dose but very rarely.
Throughout this long ordeal I went to various clinics, Psych doctors, etc and was ALWAYS told that 1mg ativan was ‘nothing to be concerned with’. One psych doctor at Cherokee Health Services in Tennessee when I told him I want to taper OFF this Lorazapam said
‘WOW Most patients want to get ON the benzos. Ive never met anyone who want OFF this pill before’’.
I then asked if he knew of anyone who successfully got off a Benzo medication, and he said ‘NO. Not without extensive inpatient help!”. GRR! That did not help me at all and left me feeling more alone and frightened. I left the office frustrated, sad and enraged.
I tried 5 times after that point to taper off and it finally worked 3 1/2 years ago. It might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done to get this damn benzo medication out of my system. I am very proud that I did it and I have been Benzo free since that time.
I do feel I might have some residual brain damage because even today my anxiety which I went on this pill to remedy has returned. Some days the anxiety feels even more severe than prior to going on the Ativan.
In my opinion the medical community is responsible for my dependency — no doubt about it. I’m currently writing a book about this experience. Luckily I have saved all of my medical records to refer back to.
I hope no one has to go through this hell in the future. MEDICAL COMMUNITY should be ashamed.
