This is from my journal last week before I was diagnosed with c-PTSD and I was in a dark place:
“Today I feel worn out to the bone. Mental fog.
Like someone hijacked my brain. Hijacked my mind.
So damn tired, weary, worn out, not only from the world situation.
North Korea. Donald. All of it. Calgon take me away!
but from my own mind.
Brain almost gone. Brain fog. Brain injury?
Rag doll. No energy. No desire to move.
Shell shocked, stunned.
In another reality .
‘Nothingness’.
Another galaxy. Total weariness.
Worn out blob of a person.
Like I need to go lay
DOWN!’
I was obviously in a lifeless listless mood but guess what?
I still wrote.
I believe its a blessing that writers can still write, no matter what mental state they’re in. Isn’t that wonderful?
I mean even if we don’t feel we can do any other damn thing — we can still write!
I’m thankful for this today.
We writers can sit down at our computer or put a pen in hand and we can let it all flow. It might be better than almost any other thing we can do to heal.
Now that I am in recovery I was advised to make a ‘Recovery Toolbox’ so these are just a few things I put in there:
- Meditation
- Listening to healing music
- Petting a cat
- Playing a word game
- Deep chats with good friends
- WRITING!
I love that I have a huge toolbox to choose from. Writing is just one tool but one that I can always turn to to help me get through a shitty time.
I wonder what non-writers do? Watch tv? Numb out? Gamble? Over shop? Obsessively play video games? Eat large boxes of cookies? Yeah I’ve done this one too!
I am still writing daily in my journal and editing my next book about Creative People and I have my next book idea ready to begin working on.
I have personal writing goals in the midst of all my brain chaos.
I plan on continuing to write books (Maybe a book a year until I’m an old grey(er) woman. haa)
But my ultimate goal really is to get back to my original Memoir which I put on hold to simmer after 40,000 words.
So the point here is that it doesn’t matter what moooooood we are in. Screw that! Just show up.
‘Writers write’.
We can do it anywhere at any time and in any place which I think we writers should be damn excited about .
Other people who don’t write don’t have this gift.
I’m just thankful today for this fact.
I hope you fellow writers are also.
THANKS FOR READING!
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