Writing Reflection
A reminder to myself
I haven’t been writing long, and writing poetry is even newer to me. I started on Medium a few weeks back; I was writing new poems that really meant something on a daily basis. Sometimes multiple poems per day. It felt cathartic and wonderful. A freedom of expression like no other.
Then I started thinking too much about what other people might want to read. Writing stories just to be published in publications, some of which made me feel absolutely nothing. They did, however, make me feel terrible when no one read them, despite the larger audience of a publication.
The only exception to this is the ‘Move Me Poetry’ publication run by JD Greyson and co — this publication gave me space to truly express myself as I intended from the start, and for that I’m truly grateful.
This glitch was no fault of the publications, obviously. It was all me and my mind; I lost myself for a while. Constantly checking the stats. Maybe this is something all new writers on the platform go through? I have an addictive personality and I know my faults well; I quit drinking alcohol, eating sugar and social media for this very reason. It shows itself in unusual places.
Not only did I lose myself and the purpose of my writing, I lost the will to write at all. The thing which had set me alight just a few weeks ago suddenly seemed like a chore. I felt guilty because I didn’t want to write anything. Suddenly the door that had opened in my mind to allow those poems out had slammed shut. Total suck.
It’s been almost two weeks since I wrote anything other than my shopping lists. I found myself at the computer today to write a boring letter for an application. While I was here, I thought I may as well check out Medium. Without any intention I opened a new story and just started writing. If it’s all a bit rubbish, so what? This, I feel, is the key to reopening that door, rediscovering that spark. I’m not writing it for anyone other than myself, it’s just pouring out.
From now on, if I happen to write something I care about that I think is suitable for a publication, then I’ll go ahead and submit it. Otherwise, it’s just me and the keyboard doing our thing.
