Love. Is it conditional or unconditional? — my take on it.
So, I wake up to go to work on Labor Day and I asked my sister to drive me off to the office. During this moment, our conversation drifted off to the topic of Love.
I don’t remember exactly how it came to be that I started talking about my take on love and how I see it but it veered there and this is what I learned about myself and what I learned from myself…
I always thought that love would mean the following: that the other person has to be there for me always, that he makes me happy, that he has to accept me for me, that he has to support me in achieving my goals and dreams, that he has to always be with me, and that he has to choose me. There are more but this is what it has mostly boiled down to. I realized though that my mindset is only scratching the surface of what love is really about and at this point, I also realized that my kind of love was very selfish because it was all about me.
Two months ago, I remember writing a letter to someone I love, telling him how I think love is and should be.
And as I think back to it, during those moments, I felt like I was the expert in that area where in total honesty, I have only experienced one relationship in my whole lifetime, of which I got over after a long long time — and yeah, I thought that was love. The holding on to someone and never letting them go even if it was only me doing that. And I always thought that love exists only when the other person chooses to stay with me over someone else because he loves me. Here, the word love is termed as an emotion where it can be measured by having more or less of it. So, if he has greater feelings for me over the other person then he loves me. That has always been my belief system.
Today, I realize that how I termed love was very conditional where to me, it would require the person choosing me and staying with me.
That was how I saw love and how I defined it.
And as I was talking to my sister, I told her and learned at the same time that the best kind of love is the freeing kind of love because when a person loves someone, they are not afraid that the person will leave them but rather, even if that person chooses someone else or leaves, the love does not go with them, rather it continues to stay with the person who chose to love the other. I believe that love is selfless, it is unafraid, it is supporting the other person’s growth and mine at the same time, and most of all it is unconditional.
I do understand that there is such a thin line where love can be questioned as, “Is this too much or am I doing too little?” But I believe that in loving someone, these questions should not be the basis of deciding to love. Rather, that love has to be supported by other values such as commitment, trust, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, honesty, and most of all worthiness.
This time though, I can say that I view love in a whole new different way. Life has taught me what true love is and what it can be.
So here is the basis of all that I am writing this post for. I met someone two months ago and he asked me, “Do you believe in love?” and of course I said YES as I am a hopeless romantic. But his next question did get me to walk on this journey, “If you were with a person for about 5–10 years already and you did not really love the person but you are good together. Then you meet someone else who you have a great conversation with and you like her/him or let’s say love. Who would you choose?”
It was a no brainer for me, I would choose the person I love and to be honest, I always will. As what I wrote in the letter, I will always choose love.