50 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Turned Twenty-One

That VAGINA IS NOT A DIRTY WORD. VAGIIIINNNNAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
That tea is one of the best drinks out there, and can bring so much more comfort than you would think. Always offer tea.
That you shouldn’t be embarrassed about buying tampons, sanitary pads, condoms, birth control or plan b.
That being ‘prepared’ in the nether region area doesn’t make you a whore, it makes you a fucking responsible adult.
That taking a shower before bed and sleeping naked in fresh sheets is one of the best feelings ever.
That sleeping naked doesn’t make you slutty. Do you have any idea how good silk sheets feel on bare skin? Absofuckinglutely amazing.
That it’s perfectly normal to like guys/men older than you are. Guys who have their shit together are a fucking turn on, ok?
That taxes will suck the life out of you.
That you should fuckiNG PUT SOME MONEY IN INVESTMENTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME TO LET THAT SHIT GROW WHILE YOU’RE STILL YOUNG. SERIOUSLY.
That social media is a fucking lie.
That it’s perfectly fine to un-friend, unfollow, and block people. If you’re no longer friends in real life, then all the more reason. Stop keeping people around like fucking relics.
That you’re allowed to be bitter about break-ups, no matter what other goddamn thing people will try to preach. You got screwed over, and bitterness is a normal reaction.
BUT remember that spreading around bitter seeds is just fucking immature. Run off that bad energy, throw eggs or plates on a wall or some shit, whatever, just don’t pass it on.
That drinks taste best from a glass bottle, better rom a can, and just not even worth it if it’s from a plastic bottle.
IF YOU’RE GOING TO BLEACH YOUR HAIR, GET IT PROFESSIONALLY DONE. FOR THE LOVE OF OMBRE, PLEASE.
Clubbing. Is. Fucking. Expensive.
That there’s better coffee out there. Better coffee, that doesn’t come from Starbucks.
That the girl/boy who made a move on you when you went out drinking probably wasn’t really all that into you. Yeah. Alcohol is weird.
THAT ‘DOUBLE TEXTING’ A BOY/GIRL IS NOT FUCKING WORTH IT. YOU EXIST AND YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU DON’T NEED TO PUT UP WITH THEIR WEAK ASS GAME.
That clitoral stimulation is important and you’re not a freak for not getting off on penetration alone.
That taking 2 advils an hour to 30 mins before getting a bikini wax/brazillian will save your life. Same with taking a yoga class the day before getting said wax.
That once you start waxing ANYTHING, don’t go back to shaving. Seriously. You’re welcome.
That you can’t keep smoking pot as much as you used to in college.
That even your best and closest friends will screw you over, but remember that you have the choice to work on it or give it up.
That bringing your own lunch to work doesn’t make you a fucking dork, okay?
That you don’t have to go on crash diets or do super intense work-outs to be healthy. Everything in moderation. Balance everything.
That there’s nothing graceful about what happens after sex.
That judging people for their fetishes is fucking rude. If you’re not into the same shit your partner is into, calmly and politely tell them.
That no one really wants to hear 3x a week about that Masters degree/Doctorate you’re planning on. You can brag about it when you’ve already got it. Until then, sit the fuck down.
That being bisexual does not make you easy or a slut.
That you don’t need anyone else to get closure.
That owning anything on vinyl and listening to jazz doesn’t really make you all that special. Chill the fuck out.
That the new iPhone is probably not worth being behind on four months of rent.
That every once in a while, you have to make your own appointments and go see a doctor. *anxious breathing*
That it’s okay to not want children. Right now, in a few years or even ever.
And that it’s also okay to not want to get married.
That mastering to bake or cook at least one thing is already a great achievement. And no, microwave meals do not count.
That yes, while monochrome colored clothing may be practical, a little color doesn’t hurt.
That cheap ass makeup is not worth it.
Pineapples and yogurt. Wink, wink.
That your parents are not idiots and they know exactly what you’ve been smoking in your bedroom all those years.
That you will get to travel. You’ll save enough money, opportunities will come, you’ll be fine, you’ll get to leave. It’ll happen.
That there’s nothing wrong with graduating late or not graduating at all. A diploma does not equal you getting your shit together.
That even the ones who loved you when you were at your worst will leave you.
That happiness isn’t prioritized enough, and it should be.
That being nice doesn’t mean taking shit from people.
That your parents’ first question to every potential job opportunity you get is always going to be, ‘How much does it pay?’
That money, contrary to popular belief, can actually buy happiness. Or at least, some sense of securtiy.
That not everyone has the same definition of happiness. A road trip, a double-cheeseburger on your cheat dat, solitude, a new pair of Nikes; to each his own.
That you’re young and have room to fail. Embrace it.