John the Baptist and Me

JB as defined from broad misconceptions and personal projections

I was speaking to a good friend one day about cheesy Sci-fi books, which tends to happen pretty often, and she told me that there was a character that was referenced as a ‘John the Baptist’ in her book. Now there were two ways we could go with finding out what was meant by this name calling/reference:
1) Look at how they characterize him in scripture to understand why someone call a person John the Baptist (JB, for short) in relation to the Bible
2) Look up JB on UrbanDictionary.com to see how people reference him using pseudo-modern slang
Being children of the modern era, we chose to look him up on UrbanDictionary. The description we found of JB did not vary much in appearance from what I’d been told as a child, but it did definitely vary a lot in terms of behavior. The description can be found here.

“In homage to the new test[a]ment desert wandering honey & locust eating….
John the Baptist is someone who does their own thang, usually leanin[’] on loud so exotic it chirps like locus[ts], while sippin’ on pure honey. Naturally, he baptizes all the bad bitches.”

I’m not here to go over the differences in definitions between the proper JB and the one described in the above phrase. I don’t want to write that much and if you are concerned with an accurate translation from the Bible, you are likely to be disappointed by this whole post anyways.


Now, for why I found this bit of text personally compelling. I am many things; a [b]rogrammer, a hobby runner, a sci-fi reader, a dog person, a music lover, a navy brat, etc. While you could label me any of these things and be fairly accurate, you could also just break those down and say that I am someone who plans. I have plans for my life at 40, had plans for my life at 25, had plans for college, and have plans for how I’m going to properly get the wrinkles out of my shirt in the morning before work.

First of all, you can push aside the fact that he “baptizes all the bad bitches.” While I respect the metaphorical baptism and the ladies that have the prerogative to do as they please, that’s not what I was lookin’ at. JB just exists to make things happen for the sake of livin’ a good life. JB doesn’t worry about that small wrinkle in the side of his shirt; he does what he can to look the best he can, and then goes on his way like a solid, confident man. So, with that example in mind, I’ve come up with a couple more JB reactions to situations.

  • JB gets invited to a party where he doesn’t know anyone. He remains unfazed, invites whom he knows would enjoy the party, and then proceeds to go whether or not his invited guests can attend. This is not because JB is some sort of awkward guy, but because he knows life is an adventure and that people generally want to meet new friendly people. JB knows that he’s a person worth knowing, so he will attend so that he can meet other people worth knowing.
  • JB sees the same people in the hallway EVERY day. So, there’s two ways to go with this. The average guy may just keep his head down, and just go about his business because work is work and it’s not a place where you need to care about overt social graces. A JB though, would take a more proactive approach. He would nod to those he passes regularly, and then attempt to strike up a short conversation. Where stuff goes from there is highly dependent of the content of the conversation, but it can’t be said that our sample JB didn’t give being a functional person a shot.

I could probably write another example, or two, but I believe you likely get the point. It’s probably pretty easy to see where the misconceptions and projections come in on my analysis of JB, but I don’t think that makes them any less valid for the sake of this blog post/personal blurb.

Someone who gets dubbed as a ‘John the Baptist’ doesn’t worry about the things out of his control, he/she just does. It’s about maintaining that personal hustle and knowing that you’re doing your own thing quite well. Yeah.

Things omitted from my “analysis:”
- What JB is sippin’ on
- Any potential car/personal stereo analogies
- The equivocation between baptism and sex

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