Hey! You Are Not a Tree!
By Mickie Zada
A life coach once told me “The only thing consistent in Life is change.” I also really like the quote we see on face book all the time “Don’t like where you are? Move! You’re not a tree!” How do you feel about those concepts?
The words Changing and Moving each carry meanings and emotions…much of our response to the events is housed, programmed, in our Life Patterns. What’s a life pattern? It’s a belief, action or emotion we were taught as youngsters. It’s pretty much the fact that we tend to mirror life the way we viewed it and were taught by our parents, teachers, or other influential adults.
You’ve heard the story about baking a family ham for Easter? 3 generations of women cut the ends off their ham before baking it, because “Grandma did”. Turns out, Grandma’s baking pan was too small for the ham, so she cut the ends off. Same action, same action, same action handed down for 3 generations, without much thought or change…it’s a fabulous example of life patterns. No doubt the action changed when the reason was realized, and it no longer served the cook!
Change and Moving are like that. Some of us are programmed to accept change more readily than others. Moving, like change, carries emotional and physical components. Generally, when we change an emotion, our action changes, too…we move from one place to another.
You’ve done that, haven’t you? You decided living in abuse was not where you wanted to stay. First you changed your mind…it wasn’t easy, but you decided that you were not going to remain where you were, in your mind. It was time to say “Enough!”, and you did! “I’m not living like his anymore” was the change in your mind, right?
It’s at that point that each of us Moved from being victims to being survivors.
Let’s be real. That change took weeks, months, even years to evolve to the point that you actually left. It involved excitement and fear; it excavated every weakness and every strength. It made you question your self-reliance and ability to stand alone. It built your confidence that you can and will create the life you love, free of control, eggshell walking, anxiety about his reactions, and fear. Not one thing about this action was easy or simple, but you did it! You took control of your life. You changed your thoughts and took action, you moved.
Since leaving abuse, you have continued making changes and moving. A friend once described this journey as hopping from one lily pad to another, moving across a pond. Lily pads are pretty and they look stable; it’s a good way to go from here to there, so we hop. When we land on the new lily pad, we discover we have to regain balance, adjust ourselves so we don’t fall. Sound familiar? That’s what we do as we move through life, isn’t it? Cool analogy, don’tchathink?
Congratulations on your decision to change and move through life.
Some people never do. The fear is too great.
· “I have nowhere to go”, they think…but they don’t explore options.
· “Yeah, BUT my situation is different…” they say, and stay mired.
· “My husband is well known in this community…he’ll be humiliated if I leave and shine a light on the fact that he’s an abuser”, they think and talk themselves out of change and move because of fear and guilt.
You are not one of them. You changed your mind and moved. You took action…positive action. You decided you can do this…and you hopped on a new lily pad! YEA YOU!
Now, keep hopping!
Your life is in your control today. Even if you’ve been out of abuse for years, you’re still learning, growing and creating. You have stories and lessons to share with other women. Start a podcast or a blog. Speak to groups of women…remember, 1 in 4 women have lived in abuse. Our audience is huge!
You have made giant leaps along your path. Sure, as you hopped from lily pad to lily pad you’ve had to re-gain strength and balance, your feet have gotten wet. You may have even fallen down…I sure did! The focus is that you continue to change and move…you are not a tree! There is nothing wrong with roots, stability is a good thing, as long as the Reality is empowering and inspiring for you.
Change and moving are very good things. You’ve stopped cutting the end off the ham. You’ve changed or eliminated life patterns that no longer serve you. You are gaining confidence in your personal life and you are creating a life you love.
Hoooraaaay! Life is an exciting and amazing Journey, as long as we continue to change and move. Keep hopping! You are not a tree!