A New Life (article I wrote 20 years ago)

I wrote this article over 20 years ago back in another lifetime after just having become a dad for the first time. It was the first piece of writing I had ever done — and I submitted it to Mens Health South Africa — and they published it! I am still intensely proud of it today.

Here it is.

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I remember the moment when Laurie called me to the bathroom. There was a mix of excitement and terror in her voice. I opened the door to see her sitting on the loo, holding up what looked like a piece of litmus paper. She was kind of pale and looking a bit frantic. “Mick — you’d better sit down. I’m pregnant!”

Perhaps the two most frightening yet strangely exhilarating words a guy can hear in his life.

It all started simply enough with a phone call from her three months prior, where she announced that she had rescued a homeless kitten, and was bringing it home to with us. I recall feeling very apprehensive at the prospect of having to be responsible for this little creature — after all, it would mean the end of our carefree lifestyle who would look after and feed the cat on our impromptu sojourns to the country? As it turned out, life with a feline around wasn’t too bad. The little guy was kind of cute, and very appreciative of all the affection and attention we lavished on him. He was fun to play with and, cliched though it might sound, it was great to come home every night to such unconditional appreciation.

Things went fabulously until a routine check-up at the vet showed that Phoenix had contracted feline leukemia. We were devastated, and went into a state of denial. For a month we tried to nurse him through his ever-worsening state of health. We hand-fed him when he refused to eat, we created a humidifier in our cupboard when he was snuffling and battling to breath, and we scoured the Internet for miracle cures. The inevitable of course had to hap-pen, and one night while lying on the bed watching the little guy snuffling in his sleep, we decided we had to have him put to sleep.

It took us weeks to get over the experience. We swore we would never get another pet, and tried to revel in our newfound freedom. But it wasn’t the same. We missed having someone other than ourselves in our life and ended up getting another two cats within the next few weeks. So, with new pets to ease the pain, we played hard over the holidays, and in particular enjoyed a very indulgent afternoon at a beer festival… We stumbled home and the rest, as they say, is history…

Laurie and I looked at each other in the bathroom. The enormity of what she had just said hit home when I looked at the pregnancy kit strip. “When did it happen? I thought we were using protection?” We had, but had decided a couple of months ago that Laurie should stop taking the pill, and use condoms instead. There were occasions when we were far less then vigilant, and I suppose the idea of having a baby was gestating in both of our subconsciouses.

Feelings of fear, responsibility and pressure flooded through me. I was gob-smacked, and for the next couple of days walked around in a daze. Everyone kept asking me “How does it feel knowing you’re going to be a dad?” A question that I really battled to answer. “It’s amazing,” was my standard retort not a lie as I was genuinely amazed. Amazed at the new reality that was dawning onto my life. Amazed at the idea that there was little part of me growing inside Laurie. Amazed as to how I was ever going to cope with becoming a father. A thousand questions and thoughts: how are we going to afford it? What’s going to happen to our sex life? How will I cope at work in a sleep-deprived state?

Every day of the pregnancy brought a gradual realisation and acceptance of the idea that I was going to have a son — seeing him move around during the ultrasound, feeling him kick, and the attend-ing of antenatal classes. Laurie and I also became a lot closer in the time we spent together — almost withdrawing into our little existence.

Oliver finally arrived on a storm-swept morning in Cape Town — brought into the world in the comfort of our own home. The cats were fascinated with the whole experience — from Laurie’s stomping up and down during labour to the shrill cries of the new inhabitant of the house. I think they quickly grasped the fact that their lives were forever changed, as did we. I was both exhausted and incredulous when I met Oliver for the first time — here was something I had helped create. The act of sex has forever changed, with the realisation of the responsibility of what it is to be male.

Being a dad has been hard, and I shifted into an almost auto-pilot mode to cope with the initial stresses of being a new parent. Days blurred past and there have been times when I’ve wondered what it was all about. Now, after four months, and exactly a year to the day that we found out about Oliver, I can begin to understand the rewards of being a father and a parent. Standing here waiting to plant a tree on the placenta that fed Oliver for so long, and the ashes of Phoenix, I know that life is not just about seeing it from your own perspective. These two souls have allowed me the chance to step outside of the sensibility wrapped adult-me, and to see the life that is messy, fun, hard and real.